Just a Friend?
I see he's hurt you again,
When you're in pain I'm in pain
That's part of bein' a friend.
But this is a special case.
I held my feelings back because of him
And now I can see more than ever
I made a big, big, big mistake.
-Shai "Comforter"
So you have a friend that you tell your inner most secrets. That person has laughed with you and cried with you. That person has seen you act childish and like a responsible adult. You can call that person any hour of the day, and they will stop what they are doing and talk to you. You are important to them, they would never hurt you. They give you the absolute best advice, despite how they feel about your personal decisions. This friend is also of the opposite sex.
Friendships like these are special. Many people believe that men and women can't be close friends on a platonic level. I happen to disagree. To me there is nothing like getting the male point of view when I need it. I only trust those close to me; therefore, I need a man in my inner most circle. However, sometimes this can lead to other places one may have never imagined.
The issue begins when this person begins to be your "comforter",the person you lean on for emotional support when everyone else lets you down, especially when your significant other is acting up. Or maybe you can't find a significant other because you begin comparing everyone else you meet to this special friend. Wondering why they can't act like "so and so" or treat you like "so and so". I have been on both sides of the equation. I have been both the person in love with my close friend and the person that my close friend was in love with. Ironically it was the same person, just at different points in our lives.
*Please Note - I have also had one of my husband's deranged friends cross the friendship line. I almost whipped a b**ch's azz for calling my damn house in the middle of the night, thinking she was "slick". Crazy heifer..turned damn right obsessive over my man, because hers was a putz. Step to him again and see if I don't twist your cap back. IBM will stand for "In a B**ch's Mouth" which is where my knee will be. Can you feel me?*
Ok, sorry, I kinda got off base there...
These are all very fragile situations, because they can destroy the friendship and leave somebody cold and bitter. So here are my questions for you. First can men and women be friends on a platonic level? Secondly, have you ever fell for a friend? Is there someone you wish you were more than friends with at some point in your life?
posted by Mz Cane at 12:01 AM
10 Comments:
I'm trying to catch my breath and wipe away the tears."twist your cap back" & "In a B**tch's Mouth"!!! You are off the chain.
I think men and women can be friends but you have to be realistic and understand that there are different types of love. I have a male best friend, who for a moment I thought I was in love with. I came to realize that the feelings I had were unlike a love for a female friend or my brother but they still weren't "in-love" feelings either. It was more of a "I love him and always want him in my life but I don't really want to sleep with him" feeling. I had to discover a new category of love. Now that I know the difference I have no problem having male friends. You have to think real hard before crossing that line because once you do there is no going back. Is it worth ruining the friendship if things don't work out?
I have to say that it is possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex. I am one who is both a best friend of a male and my best friend is the same person. I can tell him anything and I am not judged. Once a long time ago I thought I loved him....I have since discovered that there is a different kind of "love" for the best friends of the opposite sex. We had lots of pressure from mutal friends that we should date....I'm still asked when we are going to get married, however we had the discussion and both of us decided that we weren't willing to risk the BEST friendship to cross the line and lose each other in the end. We talked all the time and we both have some crazy things happening all the time. I know that I can depend on him when times are hard...more than my family at times!
Definitely think before you cross the line. Be sure it is something you are willing to possibly lose forever!
Sorry about the website issues!
Yes. Men and women can be platonic friends. I've always had more male friends than female (early experiences with female friends left me scarred). One of my closest friends is male. I can talk to him about anything and trust that the advice that he gives me is straight from the heart. He is more likely to call me on my bullshit/stupidity quicker than my female friends who would probably cosign or agree with me. I also like getting the male perspective on things.
Have I ever fallen for a friend? Yes. Back in the day when I was dating I never dated anyone who was not a friend first. I have always been attracted to personality not looks or status. So friendship was a prerequisite to dating. I never felt like I crossed the line just always figured that friendship was a good foundation for a committed relationship. I've been married 12+ years and it is that foundation that has allowed us to stay together this long. Regarding my exs, I am friends/acquaintances with all of my ex's except one (the cheating bastard) and I think that our initial friendships allowed us to part in a amicable fashion.
Why yes men and women can be platonic friends you just have to lay the ground work up front. As a matter of fact most of my friends are women and they know I’m there for them, but they also know I’m married. I have had one catch feeling, but then we talked about all of the bad things I have done and that outweighed the good in me or at least I made it seem that way ;). Sure I wish I was more than just friends with several women, but just the wrong timing. Sometimes I feel Erykah Badu ‘I guess I'll see you next lifetime I'm gonna be there’. It is good to have open communication and let you spouse or significant other know so no drama is caused. Now I'm working on not flirting so much because it is getting me in TROUBLE!
There are two people in this world that know everything about me. They are both men. When I have trouble understanding men I go to my male friends. I love my girls, but when I need the real truth I turn to my male friends. One is my ex. he is my best friend in the world.
In college I crossed the line. The guy was a great friend to me we were close. But I always knew he had strong feelings for me, thats how we became friends. So we crossed the line and needless to say the crossing the line caused the friendship to end.
Yes, men and woman can just be friends. Most of my relationships have started with us just being friends and it evolved into something else. Most of the men I have date we have maintained some type of friendship over the years and I can still call on them and like wise. My very best friend is a guy. We have managed to stay together and remain best of friends through his two wives and my two husbands. We crossed the line once, in the moment of lust and loneliness. We talked about it and decided the friendship was more important. We even discussed the possibility of a relationship. That would not work, we know too damn much about each other. All men who become involved with me, know if you accept me, you gotta except my best friend too. Most of them don't feel comfortable about it or even threatened, until they meet him. That is a whole another story, their insecurities are put to rest after they interact with him oir the fact that he is an overweight lover. (A good looking fine specimen of black man, don't let the packaging fool you). They are thinking, "I don't have to worry about fat boy". They just don't know.
I thinks so. You just need to be honest with yourself, and not expect anything, or go looking for anything. Just keep it simple.
I've always had more male friends than female ones because guys just have fewer hangups and tell it like it is. On one or two occassions the line has been crossed...call it what you wanna but a sista has needs. Thankfully, on both occassions, the friendship was salvaged because we were both honest with ourselves and the situation. My man is completely insecure about my male friends because I admitted to having slipped up in the past. I guess honesty has a cost.
On the flipside, my man has a best girlfriend that's been his friend for longer than we've known each other. They even had a brief physical relationship...again, before we were together. I don't have a problem with her, but she refuses to set foot in my house...Hmmm. I guess the problem is that every ugly argument that my man and I have had gets replayed to her from his perspective.
Here's a question, do you think its possible for your significant other to be friends with your best friend of the opposite sex? I really don't think its possible.
I would have to say a big big no!! The best friend knows all the significant's faults. I have seen that the best friend acts like a jerk to the significant because of this, which causes the significant to be like "forget that fool". Heated drama between the two.
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