Who's Friend Are You Anyway?
Me and a girlfriend were having lunch this weekend. We were talking about another friend of ours, and her marriage. A marriage with indiscretion on both sides, but neither the husband or the wife know. That lead us to a discussion about another person my friend knew. She knows a minister who is friends with this married couple. The husband cheated on his wife because she wouldn't do certain things in bed, that was his excuse. He asked her time and time again, but to no avail. Now, he felt just awful about this, so he decided to confide in the minister for guidance, his friend, but who happened to be a closer friend of his wife. This put the minister in an awkward place. She can't tell the wife, because of the confidentiality of her ministry. But that's her girl!
I have a a lot of friends that confide and me. I guess I am a good listener and I'm not very judgmental, so people tend to open up to me. (Don't worry, the secrets are safe with me.) I know a lot of dirt, which sometimes puts me in awkward situations when I know both parties well. Whether it is husband and wife drama, friends, family, I have heard it all. When you know dirt like this, which side do you pledge your loyalty to? The better friend? The closer relative? If you knew your home girl was being cheated on,would you tell her? If your boy's girl was sleeping around would you let him know? What if you were friends with a married couple and one of them confided in you about infidelity, would you tell? Could you face the other? If a family member was terminally ill and didn't want anyone to know, would you tell her parents? What are the rules for disclosure?
This very thing has ruined friendships. If your friend found something out later, and then found out you knew and didn't tell her/him...drama. If someone confides in you, and you tell his/her business...drama. In both situations you may feel like you are making the right choice.
Short and sweet today. When you are caught in the middle, where does your loyalty lie?
I have a a lot of friends that confide and me. I guess I am a good listener and I'm not very judgmental, so people tend to open up to me. (Don't worry, the secrets are safe with me.) I know a lot of dirt, which sometimes puts me in awkward situations when I know both parties well. Whether it is husband and wife drama, friends, family, I have heard it all. When you know dirt like this, which side do you pledge your loyalty to? The better friend? The closer relative? If you knew your home girl was being cheated on,would you tell her? If your boy's girl was sleeping around would you let him know? What if you were friends with a married couple and one of them confided in you about infidelity, would you tell? Could you face the other? If a family member was terminally ill and didn't want anyone to know, would you tell her parents? What are the rules for disclosure?
This very thing has ruined friendships. If your friend found something out later, and then found out you knew and didn't tell her/him...drama. If someone confides in you, and you tell his/her business...drama. In both situations you may feel like you are making the right choice.
Short and sweet today. When you are caught in the middle, where does your loyalty lie?
posted by Mz Cane at 2:41 PM
5 Comments:
I will only comment on the cheating situation. Keep it to yourself. Because when you tell one side, the other side WILL know. And when you see neither side is going to do anything about it, YOU look like an idiot. And I don't care what anybody says, EVERY WOMAN OR MAN KNOWS WHEN THEY ARE BEING CHEATED ON! So it is old news to them anyway. When he or she is ready to stop putting up with it, they'll leave with no help from outsiders.
I'm also in that situation a lot. My policy is to not tell anyone. It's not my place. However I'm always there to lend a listening ear to a friend, so I can enjoy both sides of the drama. The more you keep their confidence, the more juicy stuff they'll tell you. So just sit back and watch the drama unfold.
I've been in similar situations. Information just somehow always falls in my lap. Actually, it could be that I am so inquisitive that I find stuff out. If I found out that someone was cheating on one of my two closest friends I would hafta tell them no matter how hard it was for me. I would want them to tell me if they knew that my husband was cheating. In any other case I would keep the information to myself.
Hmmm, well if it's me, i would want you to tell me. On the other hand, I probably wouldn't based on past experience. In college I told a friend that she was being played and when she confronted the dude, he lied to her and made up a story about me which led to the end of our friendship. He got me out of the picture and continued to play the hell outta her. All I could do was laugh from afar because she let a dude come between our friendship. I guess she's since realized it, but oh well. Keep it movin'. Don't call me, I'll call you.
If someone specifically asks me to keep a secret then I will unless someone is in danger of hurt or harm. Then I make no promises. My family has a horrible time of keeping secrets. It's hard to keep things from your family. As for the cheating, if it is my best friend, I would probably say something. They would know I'm not making it up for the hell of it. Otherwise I make it a habit not to get into people's business.
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