Charades
The 23rd of loneliness
And we don't talk
Like we used 2 do
Now it seems pretty
Strange but I'm not
Buggin' 'cause I still feel
The same yeah yeah
I'll keep giving loving
Till the day he pushes me away
Never go astray
If he knew the
Things I did he couldn't
Handle it
And I choose 2 keep him
Protected oh
- TLC "Creep"
I was having a discussion with a co-worker today. A very married, very committed, mother. She is an old pro at this marriage thing. More experienced than my five years. She is Betty Crocker to me, a regular Martha Stewart. She is a pillar in the community, a mentor on our job, the glue in her home. But no one is as perfect as they seem right? Or are they?
She is not a blog reader, so we can talk openly. I have no clue why people love to share their business with me. But, she admitted to having three affairs in her twelve years of marriage. Two with people she has known since college and one with another of our fellow co-workers. Who is really not as attractive as her husband is, Really. Her husband has also stepped out, and she knows it. They "worked through" it. She did not cheat, until she found out that he had. She has never admitted to her indiscretion, because with his confession she holds the upper hand.
Now does this mean her marriage is unhappy? Is she bored? Does she not love her husband? Why doesn't she just leave? Who knows. All I know is that she plays a charade with life. She wins the Academy Award for "Best Actress in a Homemaker Role." So if she is living this way what is she sacrificing? Besides heaven of course... She is in it for the kids and for her parents. She is doing this for her husband because she claims she could never hurt his feelings. To me she is killing herself, killing her happiness, killing her internal sunshine.
So weigh in...how long do you play a charade in a relationship? Is forever too long? Is having your cake and eating it too worth your soul? Are you cheating yourself from true happiness? I know its a lot of questions, but I am really curious what you think.
posted by Mz Cane at 10:35 PM
3 Comments:
I think people see marriage as different things. Some see it as a legal union just so they can split the bills, have a few kids, and play the role. Other see it in the true biblical sense. To her and her husband, playing the role and stepping out may be their definition of a marriage. It wouldn't work for me but it may work for them.
I think it's all an individual choice on how much you can sacrifice and what's your breaking point. Personally, I want it all. True uncompromised happiness. You only get one life and it's too short to be wasting it in unfortunate situations. When I leave this world, I want to leave it knowing that my life and the life of those around me was as fulfilling as it could be.
I don't know what the cause, but there are more women "doing it". I think in your friend's case, she was less inclined to resist outside temptation, because her husband did it first. What is good for goose, is good for the gander.
But whoever is doing the cheating, creeping, you stand the chance of getting caught, creating pain, destroying a family, etc.
I would like to believe you can have a marriage without infidelity, but I don't know if that is realistic. We live in a different world, where morals and values just are not the same as yesteryear.
I was listen to Michael Baisden Show and they were saying marriage is too long we should be able to renew it every 5 years or so. Having my cake and eating too is not worth my soul and sometimes the grass is not greener. Yeah we all are human and we may slip, but we should try not to put ourselves in those type of positions.
All marriages has ups and downs when you are having downs that is not a sign to tell you that you need to get out it is just saying work harder at it. I think a lot of us cheat because it is what we see on TV and Movies and we want to see if we are the ones that can get a way with it. I'm not going to say it is not that we are bored, but we just want to see if something is better. We have options it is up to us to chose right. Men and women cheat the same to me because we want to get even.
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