Just like Pagliacci did
I try to keep my surface hid
Smiling in the crowd I try
But in a lonely room I cry
The tears of a clown
When there's no one around, oh yeah, baby baby
Now if there's a smile on my face
Don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
Don't let this smile I wear
Make you think that I don't care
- Smokey Robinson and the Miracles "Tears of a Clown"
I am not always happy. Are you? I have a great husband, great kids, great parents, great home, great job. Ideally my life should be a bed of roses with the occasional thorn. I have no reason to complain, yeah I'm broke like everyone else, but I'm alive, with a family, with a job. I have breath and use it everyday. I am thankful to the Lord for opening my eyes every morning. However, through it all, some days I am unhappy, some days I am frustrated, sometimes I feel alone.
How is it possible for someone with so many friends to feel alone? Is it possible to be in the middle of the crowd but yet so far away from everyone else?
We all go through tragedies, small and large in our lives. We all have that portion of us that's not quite right. We get down for no reason. We cry when we are alone. We lash out at people. What's the problem? Who can we turn to help us? We are to ashamed to let anyone in. We want to look good for our families and friends, when truthfully we need to be leaning on them. Forever strong we think, but we are in shambles underneath. Some of us have held feelings and emotions in so much we have molded our insides. We are drenched with dark emotions and we never air ourselves out. So our insides become moldy...stagnet.
I'm not talking to you in particular, I am talking about us. I do it too, I am so guilty. When I feel this way, as if I have nothing to complain about, I keep those dark emotions in. I don't want to seem ungrateful or whiny. After I had both of my children, I had severe post-partum depression. And you know what? I am glad I went through it. It taught me how to manage my emotions, that I was not alone. It made me comfortable enough to say, "I'm not okay and I need some help". I still struggle with this. Before then I was ashamed to admit something was wrong. I blamed it on my cycle or my hunger, lol. We (black folk) never seek outside therapy, we were not raised to be "weak". We were raised to hold it in, stop complaining, pray about it, maybe talk to Pastor, and never mention it again. Don't get me wrong, prayer should be the foundation in overcoming all obstacles. But sometimes the Lord helps you through the work of others.
You have been going through this alone long enough, go get you some help...
So weigh in...why is it taboo for black folk to get help? Is geting help a sign of weakness? Does getting help take your focus from prayer? Does seeing a therapist question for faith?