Mind Clouds
Just like Pagliacci did
I try to keep my surface hid
Smiling in the crowd I try
But in a lonely room I cry
The tears of a clown
When there's no one around, oh yeah, baby baby
Now if there's a smile on my face
Don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
Don't let this smile I wear
Make you think that I don't care
- Smokey Robinson and the Miracles "Tears of a Clown"
I am not always happy. Are you? I have a great husband, great kids, great parents, great home, great job. Ideally my life should be a bed of roses with the occasional thorn. I have no reason to complain, yeah I'm broke like everyone else, but I'm alive, with a family, with a job. I have breath and use it everyday. I am thankful to the Lord for opening my eyes every morning. However, through it all, some days I am unhappy, some days I am frustrated, sometimes I feel alone.
How is it possible for someone with so many friends to feel alone? Is it possible to be in the middle of the crowd but yet so far away from everyone else?
We all go through tragedies, small and large in our lives. We all have that portion of us that's not quite right. We get down for no reason. We cry when we are alone. We lash out at people. What's the problem? Who can we turn to help us? We are to ashamed to let anyone in. We want to look good for our families and friends, when truthfully we need to be leaning on them. Forever strong we think, but we are in shambles underneath. Some of us have held feelings and emotions in so much we have molded our insides. We are drenched with dark emotions and we never air ourselves out. So our insides become moldy...stagnet.
I'm not talking to you in particular, I am talking about us. I do it too, I am so guilty. When I feel this way, as if I have nothing to complain about, I keep those dark emotions in. I don't want to seem ungrateful or whiny. After I had both of my children, I had severe post-partum depression. And you know what? I am glad I went through it. It taught me how to manage my emotions, that I was not alone. It made me comfortable enough to say, "I'm not okay and I need some help". I still struggle with this. Before then I was ashamed to admit something was wrong. I blamed it on my cycle or my hunger, lol. We (black folk) never seek outside therapy, we were not raised to be "weak". We were raised to hold it in, stop complaining, pray about it, maybe talk to Pastor, and never mention it again. Don't get me wrong, prayer should be the foundation in overcoming all obstacles. But sometimes the Lord helps you through the work of others.
You have been going through this alone long enough, go get you some help...
So weigh in...why is it taboo for black folk to get help? Is geting help a sign of weakness? Does getting help take your focus from prayer? Does seeing a therapist question for faith?
posted by Mz Cane at 9:53 PM
5 Comments:
Mz. Cane, I'm amazed at how timely this topic is! I have had two conversations this week with folks about how black folks are still believing in stigmas attached to seeking therapy, or taking anti-depressants if necessary, or even going to AA meetings if necessary.
One woman I talked with just today was saying that perhaps it's because we believe that, having endured the horrors of slavery and Jim Crow, not to mention the manure we go through every day now, perhaps black folks believe that we are supposed to be too strong to need help. Well, isn't that what prayer is -- a cry for help? And we all believe in prayer, or at least many of us profess to believe.
Perhaps we don't want to seek help because it would seem we don't believe God is able to do above and beyond all that we could imagine. I disagree with such a blinders-on walk through life. I believe fervently that God is infinitely able, and I also believe He works through doctors, therapists, and support groups. There is no diminished faith if you seek help for your hurting soul or your injured body.
Mz. Cane,
I am experiencing this now, yes very timely. My spouse died, and raising the children all by myself makes me feel like giving up most of the time, but I know that God's love for us is our saving grace. People don't understand that strength comes in all shapes, forms, and levels for different people for different reasons. Often I hear "you are so strong", and I think "yeah, if you only knew", waiting on God for another mate, husband, the children wanting a dad, being responsible for everything, and maintaining a full-time taskful job, sometimes it just don't feel good. But I smile anyway because there is just something about God's love that is ever so present, and that love is keeping me in his perfect peace! Thank you for letting me know, I am not alone!
well said Mz Cane
Is it wrong to seek help? HELL NO!!! We all need a little help from time to time. If your help comes form the Lord, a friend, a family member, a doctor, a pastor, etc. I don't know why we are shunned for having problems not have placed these resources in our life for us not to use them. Even when things look good to the outside, no one knows your struggles, your inner turmoil. I think to hold things in and not deal with them is unacceptable. Swallow your pride, don't feel ashamed, don't listen to Grandma and get yourself some help. I think sometimes when you reach out, you find out you are not alone, you are not the first person with this sturggle and there are ways of coping. You have to have some peace to live in this world.
On point, Mz Cane
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