Dreams in Bitter-Sweet

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

- John Mayer "Dreaming With a Broken Heart"

This has been a Seattle weekend here in Raleigh. Its cool, its cloudy, its rainy. A day when I should be outside, I am in, looking at the fog and rain outside. Last night I had a dream, it was a good dream. I dreamt that it was a Friday afternoon and I was sitting with my grandparents. We were having dinner. Fried fish and fried potatoes. After dinner we sat in the den and watched tv. My granmother called me into her bedroom and sat me down in the chair by the door, she said to me, "Candee, if anything should ever happen to me, make sure you come in here and get this envelope. There is money in here and I don't want anyone to get to before you do." She hugged me, and then I woke up.

Nothing in this dream is unusual, it was just like everyday life... My grandmother showed me where that envelope was a million times. And each time she told me the same thing. "If something should happen to me..." I never thought anything would ever happen to her, she was invincible. Heart Bypass...breast cancer, galdbladder removed... None of that stopped her. She has been gone two and a half years now. And I have had that dream at least 10 ten times since they have been gone.

I was incredibly close to my granparents, my dad being an only child, me being an only child, losing them was something I thought I would never recover from. My grandfather passed March 21, 2004. My grandmother passed 10 days after that on March 31, 2004. A set of grandparents gone in less than two weeks.

Back to my topic...dreams. So I am inside, because of the rain, listening to my new favorite...John Mayer (damn Dave Chappelle was on to it so long ago). And he has this song about dreams. It says "When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up can be the hardest part." I never knew how true that was until today, until after that dream last night. Whether you have lost a realtive or a special friend to death. Or maybe a lover to a relationship that just didn't make it. Dreams are beautiful, happy memories. Dreams can be so life-like. Joyous times with that person you miss the most. Until they are over. Until you awake to emptiness.

Bitter-sweet. She's gone, He's gone. After you awake, John Mayer says "You roll outta bed and down on your knees, and for the moment you can hardly breathe, wondering was she really here". I can tell you of several dreams I have awaken from wondering if they were real, wondering if I call my grandparent's house, would one of them answer for their baby girl one last time.

So weigh in...dreams. Bitter-sweet instances? Visitations to let you know you will survive? A way to hold on to the ones we love once they are gone? Whether they have passed or the relationship has passed. What are these types of dreams to you?