Comments from the Edge

Who in The Hell Left The Gate Open?

2006-11-30T06:11:00.000-05:00

The Ten Commandments

1. I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

3. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.

So I got up this morning and read the comments of those who commented on the homosexuality blog. I noted the very different point of views. So of course I had to play on such strong differences in opinion. We have not had much religious discussion, yet it is such a passionate topic.

One blogger said

"If I choose to engage in premarital sex, adultery, or other immoral or illegal acts, it is a sin. So, this sin does not out weigh the others".

Another blogger said something similar as the first

"a sin is a sin is a sin."

Another blogger said

"I do not think it's a path to hell. I believe God loves all his children....unconditionally and it is man who places boundaries on letting people be themselves for control or just out of a lack of understanding."

My grandmother used to say that you commit adultery if you remarry and your first spouse is not dead. Many churches believe alcohol consumption is a sin. Some folks think you should not even wash clothes on Sunday, because the commandments says that it is the Sabbath and we should keep it holy. I do think that man has added their own "sins" to modern day religion; however, I do believe the ten commandments are valid words of God. I do believe God gave them to Moses on Mt. Sinai.

So weigh in... is a sin is a sin is a sin? Do they all carry the same weight? If you don't think you will go to hell for some sin, which ones are doom for you? Is there anything you believe to be a sin that is not specifically written in the ten commandments?

Sickness in Sodom and Gomorrah

2006-11-27T21:35:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here watching the new season of the Real World. Denver, that's where they are. There is a super religious black guy and a very southern-baptist homosexual white guy on here, and they are roommates. They have agreed to disagree on homosexuality. Homosexuality, that's something we have not ever really talked about. The black guy's point is that homosexuality is wrong, that homosexualtiy is a straight path to hell. The white guy argues that the Bible is man's interpretation of God's word and that he should not be punished for something he has no control over.

I am from Virginia, the Old Dominion state, the land of right wing conservatives. This past November in Virginia, same sex marriage was on the ballot. Something I never thought would ever be a people's choice option in that state. The body voted to ban same-sex marriages, defining a marriage as a union between a man and a woman. My question is, is marriage not just a legal union for homosexuals or is it a bond they want recognized by the church as well? Is it that these people just want legal right to assets upon death or separation from their partners?

In my hometown there are speculations of homosexual preachers and homosexual congregations. To me this is paradoxal. Churches are places for the sick to be cured. In my opinion, church is not a place to embrace the wrongdoings. But who am I to say that homosexualtiy is wrong? I am certainly not the end all. What if this is something they can't control. What if it is a sickness just like depression or a chemical imbalance.

So weigh in...is homosexuality a choice? Do you think it is a path straight to hell? Should the same sex marriages be allowed?

The Human Stain...

2006-11-26T19:23:00.000-05:00

Fill me with your joy so new
So I can show my love for You
This joy I have is real and true
For all my sins are washed away
Yes all my sins are washed away

The pain I felt so deep inside
The tears I could no longer hide
There's joy now cause' You're by my side
Yes all my sins are washed away
Yes all my sins are washed away

Washed away
Gone astray

For all my sins are washed away
Yes all my sins are washed away

- Kirk Franklin "Washed Away"

We all have stains. Things in our life that cannot be washed away. Or at least washed away with Tide or Cheer or Woolite. Nothing with bleach alternative can rinse us of.

I just found out that a friend of mine from college is now the Pastor of a church. A leader, a spiritual leader for a flock. And even though I hate to admit it, the first thing I thought of was how he used to flirt and chase women and party hard. How in the hell could he direct someone to Christ? Then I thought of my husband's friend, who now lives for the Lord. The same person who after a near death experience smoked weed through a trachea in his windpipe. At the time I thought he should be praising the Lord for being alive he was acting like it was not a privilege just to be here. But now...he leads to Christ as well. Sad to say the first thing I thought of when I heard about the new plights of both of these guys was "Who in the hell left the gate open?"

I have done many things I am too ashamed to admit, both now and when I was younger. I have run with the wild bunch. Been a "fast ass". Hung with the hoods. "Smoke, drink, and dance the hoochie-coo", that's what the old folks would say. Does that mean that I can't be a good wife now? Can I not be a great mother? Am I not a role model? Christ says if I repent today, my yesterday is non-existent. I will be reborn. Can my resurrection not start now?

Timing for awakeness is not always up to us. Shouldn't I have wanted to be a better person and live right when he spared the life of my daughter? Or maybe when he took my grandparents ten days apart? Why now do I wanna be a better person?

Truth is, Christ can know my heart, my changes, my new life, but humanity will turn a blind eye to my neo persona. Why is it that humans are so judgmental about a past? Will OJ always be the killer? Will Michael Jackson always be the pedophile? Will Tookie Williams always be the murderous gang banger? Will I always be Candee?

So weigh in...why is it that we can never let go of a person's past? What makes us better? After all isn't a Saint a sinner who fell down and got back up again?

Dreams in Bitter-Sweet

2006-10-08T09:56:00.000-04:00

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

- John Mayer "Dreaming With a Broken Heart"

This has been a Seattle weekend here in Raleigh. Its cool, its cloudy, its rainy. A day when I should be outside, I am in, looking at the fog and rain outside. Last night I had a dream, it was a good dream. I dreamt that it was a Friday afternoon and I was sitting with my grandparents. We were having dinner. Fried fish and fried potatoes. After dinner we sat in the den and watched tv. My granmother called me into her bedroom and sat me down in the chair by the door, she said to me, "Candee, if anything should ever happen to me, make sure you come in here and get this envelope. There is money in here and I don't want anyone to get to before you do." She hugged me, and then I woke up.

Nothing in this dream is unusual, it was just like everyday life... My grandmother showed me where that envelope was a million times. And each time she told me the same thing. "If something should happen to me..." I never thought anything would ever happen to her, she was invincible. Heart Bypass...breast cancer, galdbladder removed... None of that stopped her. She has been gone two and a half years now. And I have had that dream at least 10 ten times since they have been gone.

I was incredibly close to my granparents, my dad being an only child, me being an only child, losing them was something I thought I would never recover from. My grandfather passed March 21, 2004. My grandmother passed 10 days after that on March 31, 2004. A set of grandparents gone in less than two weeks.

Back to my topic...dreams. So I am inside, because of the rain, listening to my new favorite...John Mayer (damn Dave Chappelle was on to it so long ago). And he has this song about dreams. It says "When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up can be the hardest part." I never knew how true that was until today, until after that dream last night. Whether you have lost a realtive or a special friend to death. Or maybe a lover to a relationship that just didn't make it. Dreams are beautiful, happy memories. Dreams can be so life-like. Joyous times with that person you miss the most. Until they are over. Until you awake to emptiness.

Bitter-sweet. She's gone, He's gone. After you awake, John Mayer says "You roll outta bed and down on your knees, and for the moment you can hardly breathe, wondering was she really here". I can tell you of several dreams I have awaken from wondering if they were real, wondering if I call my grandparent's house, would one of them answer for their baby girl one last time.

So weigh in...dreams. Bitter-sweet instances? Visitations to let you know you will survive? A way to hold on to the ones we love once they are gone? Whether they have passed or the relationship has passed. What are these types of dreams to you?

If It Isn't Love?

2006-10-05T23:15:00.000-04:00

I know this is a rarity, but yes...I am writing two blogs in one night. One for me, one for "the needy". I don't know why people think I have the answers, I don't know why people think I am wise beyond my years. I am just as unexperienced and clueless in the ways of the world as the next person. Maybe its just that they want your advice. Maybe its you that's wise. So on with it.

I dont love her
I tried to tell myself
But you can see it in my eyes
So dont deny
I cant fool no one else
The truth is in the tears I cry cause

If it isnt love
Why do I feel this way
Why does she stay on my mind
If it isnt love
Why does it hurt so bad
Make me feel so sad inside
Of it isnt love

I told her Id never fall in love
But now I know better

New Edition - "If It Isn't Love"

Is it in the way he kisses me? Is it that he called to ask me if I wanted something to eat on his way to see me? Maybe its the way he unconsciously holds my hand. I do wake up in the middle of the night and he has me snuggled close, he's holding me. Maybe that's it. How will in the world am I ever supposed to know how much he cares? I may never know, but it is clearly evident that I think I love him.

How do any of us know when we cross that threshold from deep infacutation to love? So many of my friends are in these "new" realtionships. They are getting to that point of confusion.

So here is when I think it happens. I think it happens when you cannot keep him off your mind. No matter what you do, you are thinking of him. Whether its been an hour or a year, is he still on your mind? It doesn't matter if she is near or a long distance love, somehow you think her touch was just on your lips. Or what about this...have you ever been working and just stopped because thoughts of him overwhelmed your mind? You smile and try to go on working, but you have to stop and call him jut to say hi. That was me. That's how I knew. Thinking of ways to see him, ducking my other commitments. Funny thing is, after all this time, I still do all these things.

Now someone else told me that you know when you are in love when you start doing dumb shit. When you break all your own rules.

So weigh in...when did you know? How do you know when you are in love? What's your experience with the "L" Word? Does it even exist anymore? Is love just a figment of our imagination?

Slow Down, This is Moving Too Fast

2006-10-05T20:52:00.000-04:00

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

Whitney Houston - "One Moment In Time"

So its been awhile. I've missed you guys dearly. I've had so much to tell you,so much I wanted to say, just no time to do it. Maternity leave is alot different from working right at 50 hours a week. I thought I left busy season behind when I left public accounting, little did I know.

I have noticed now more than ever, that life is short. It seems like I have been living life on fast forward for the past year. I year ago next month, I became a mother for the second time. My youngest child will be one year old soon. It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with my oldest. It felt like just yesterday I was dropping it like it was hot in Elm City to Luke and Two Live Crew. Where does the time go...

Everyday I come home, eat dinner, not cook dinner, because my better half cooked. I got off too late. I have a million things to do, but never get around to doing them because I fall asleep with the baby and get up at 5:25 am. I can't balance my checkbook, watch everything I have DVRed, cook a good meal, or call and catch up with some folks I miss dearly. Where is my life? I guess I could do any of those things right now, but then I would be gone away from you longer.

Of course i have time to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with snacks but here is the sad part...I have to fit Weight Watchers in over a lunch meeting and don't seem to have the 15 minutes to get me jelly ass on my elliptical machine I purchased two months ago.

So weigh in...is it just me, or does time march to a different beat when you get older? Or is it responsibilty that puts it on fast forward? Now I think about it, maybe it is correlated with billing cycles...hhhmmmm. What do you think?

Can I possible borrow some of your time? I have seemed to misplace all of mine.

The Reality Called TV

2006-08-09T20:36:00.000-04:00

We are lovers true and through and though
We made it through the storm
I really want you to realize
I really want to put you on
Ive been searchin for someone
To satisfy my every need
Wont you be my inspiration
Be the real love that I need

Real love
Im searchin for a real love
Someone to set my heart free
Real love
Im searchin for a real love

- "Real Love", Mary J . Blige

I have a confession. I am addicted to reality tv. I am one of the Americans who tune in to these shows, laugh and cry with the players, and pray for drama to go down.

Here is a questions for you? Have you seen Flavor of Love? OMG, why in the sam hell would a group of women fight over Flava Flav? Last season every one fell in love with Hoopz, darling Nikki, the actress/model who seemed like the most sane. Publicty for her career? Definitely...The hubby called her out far in advance..."Candee, I think that is the chick in King this month". Now she is being linked to everyone from T.I. to Dwayne Wade (yeah, read that on crunk + disorderly). On the season premier, he dismissed several girls for having their agents send them there to better their career.

So Flav is back for a second year, to find a "real love". Now did anybody happen to see the slim pickings for this year? A ghetto white girl who got her ass whipped over which bed she was sleeping in, a lesbian trying to hook up with other girls, a tattle tale spilling everybody's business, and a big girl that shits herself and the floor...all on the first episode! I have never seen so much multi-colored weave, gel, smoking curling irons and head scarves in all my life. There were times where I couldn't tell if I was watching VH1 or BET Uncut. Women dropping and wobbling, all to impress the Black Chiuaua...Doesn't Flav remind you of the little Taco Bell dog? You quiero hoochie mama. The worst part is, he get it from his mama!

Now for all of you who saw it, I have one question for you. How in the world could Somethin' have shit on the floor? She had to have on a thong to actually have shit a turd on the floor. And that makes it 100 times worse. How can she ever show her face in public again? But she kept it real. "My stomach got me fu*$ed up. I had to go." Now Flav is a good sport, he laughed it off and joked "If someone smells something funky, its me, because I'm the shit." That ho would have gotten the mop and the clorox and went to work on my marble floors.

I wish you the best of luck Flav, I'm rooting for you man. I'll be watching. Why can't I switch the channel? Beacuse we all wanna see folk on tv, more trifling than we are. That why "Cops" became so big. We love to see people at their worst.

Did anyone see that episode? Please Please Please give me some feedback on what you thought. If you didn't, set the DVR for it, Sunday's at 10 pm on VH1. Tell me something else, does this whole circus he has going on kinda leave a blemish on the positive messages Public Enemy construed in the 90s?

What About Your Friends?

2006-08-07T21:28:00.000-04:00

Ever since you was a pee-wee, down by my knee with a wee-wee
We been coochie-coo all through school, you and me G
Back in the days we played practical jokes on
everybody smoked with they locs and the yolks on
All through high school, girls by the dozens
Sayin we cousins, knowin that we wasn't
But like the old saying goes
Times goes on, and everybody grows
Grew apart, had to part, went our own ways
You chose the dope gaaaane, my microphone pays
In many ways we were paid in the old days
So far away from the crazies with AK's
And though I been around clowning with the Underground
I'm still down with my homies from the hometown
And if you need, need anything at all
I drop it all for y'all, if my homies call

- 2Pac "If My Homies Call"

I've missed you guys so much...but I have honestly been so busy I can't keep up with my day to day activities. "The Man" has got me hustlin' like Rick Ross. Feel me? My side hustle is just as busy as my 9 to 5, so if you wanna book a Passion Party, get on my calendar now! I've got stuff booked for October already!

There has been so much I wanted to talk about, so many things I wanted your opinion on, but just not enough time to put them on paper. I wish you could guys could update me on how you all have been and what's new in your lives.

So this weekend, I hosted a bachelorette party for a friend of mine from college. It was nice, intimate, we stayed in and had a ball. We were all inseparable in college, but its funny how we have all kinda drifted apart over the years. All of us keep in touch somewhat, but to think 10 years ago, I couldn't go to the bathroom without one of them going with me (no, not literally). But this weekend you would have thought that we saw each other every weekend. We fell into our usually routines, our specific "roles" just like we had in college. We talked and caught up, laughed about college, suckers we dated...nights on the "P" Train..woowoo (ask me offline about this one). The funny thing is, besides the jobs and the families, none of us have changed a bit.

There is still the "reserved" one, there is still the "mother" who continues to teach us things, there is still the "quiet" one(or at least people think she is...boy has she got them fooled), and I am still the party girl who would go crazy if a Luke song were played right now. Our resident chemist and psychologist couldn't join us, but they were with us in spirit.

It made me realize how much I missed my friends, these ladies are some of the best friends I ever had and what a shame to have missed out these past six or so years. One thing for sure, I'll definitely keep better touch now. Not only them, but with several other folks I've missed out on. I think men do a much better job of staying close to the friends they grew up with, my husband has life friends, and I so admire that. His friends are now my life friends too...weird. Does he know my best friends? Could they call and talk to him if they needed to, like I can with NC & DC's Finest or K Hill or Bless? Not likely...

So weigh in...no matter how much we love our friends, why is it that we don't keep in touch like we should? Have you noticed that the people we tend to keep up with are the right here, right now friends. No disrespect to new friends intended, but have you noticed this? The people you see, the people who live close, those are the ones we seem to focus on. Why is that?

Charades

2006-07-24T22:35:00.000-04:00

The 23rd of loneliness
And we don't talk
Like we used 2 do
Now it seems pretty
Strange but I'm not
Buggin' 'cause I still feel
The same yeah yeah
I'll keep giving loving
Till the day he pushes me away
Never go astray
If he knew the
Things I did he couldn't
Handle it
And I choose 2 keep him
Protected oh

- TLC "Creep"

I was having a discussion with a co-worker today. A very married, very committed, mother. She is an old pro at this marriage thing. More experienced than my five years. She is Betty Crocker to me, a regular Martha Stewart. She is a pillar in the community, a mentor on our job, the glue in her home. But no one is as perfect as they seem right? Or are they?

She is not a blog reader, so we can talk openly. I have no clue why people love to share their business with me. But, she admitted to having three affairs in her twelve years of marriage. Two with people she has known since college and one with another of our fellow co-workers. Who is really not as attractive as her husband is, Really. Her husband has also stepped out, and she knows it. They "worked through" it. She did not cheat, until she found out that he had. She has never admitted to her indiscretion, because with his confession she holds the upper hand.

Now does this mean her marriage is unhappy? Is she bored? Does she not love her husband? Why doesn't she just leave? Who knows. All I know is that she plays a charade with life. She wins the Academy Award for "Best Actress in a Homemaker Role." So if she is living this way what is she sacrificing? Besides heaven of course... She is in it for the kids and for her parents. She is doing this for her husband because she claims she could never hurt his feelings. To me she is killing herself, killing her happiness, killing her internal sunshine.

So weigh in...how long do you play a charade in a relationship? Is forever too long? Is having your cake and eating it too worth your soul? Are you cheating yourself from true happiness? I know its a lot of questions, but I am really curious what you think.

SnapShots

2006-07-23T21:13:00.000-04:00

When I first met my SpottieOttieDopalicious Angel
I can remember that damn thing like yesterday
The way she moved reminded me of a Brown Stallion
horse with skates on smooth like a hot comb
on nappy ass hair
I walked up on her & was almost paralyzed
her neck was smelling sweeter
than a plate of yams with extra syrup
eyes beaming like four karats apiece just blindin' a nigga
felt like I chiefed a whole O of that Presidential
My heart was beating so damn fast
never knowing this moment would bring another
life into this world
Funny how shit come together sometimes [ya dig]
One moment you frequent the booty clubs &
the next four years you & somebody's daughter
raisin' y'all own young'n now that's a beautiful thang

- Big Boi, Outkast's "SpottieOttieDopalicious"

Moments in time that you will never forget. Minutes played in slow motion. Life mirroring a John Singleton scene or the background moving slowly like a Spike Lee cut. Moments you will never forget, moments that have lead to so much more than just that brief pause in time.

More and more lately, I have been realizing that this happens so often. As I look back over the last couple years, I am able to draw quick conclusions of where it all began. I kissed him. He hugged me. I had his baby. The moment I had that first kiss, I knew from that very instant, the moment would change my life forever. Who would have thought that after this much time, that guy would still be in my life. Who would have thought those lips I used to picture talking to me over the phone line would be seen time and time again. Now on his daughter. Does he remember? Does he know he changed my life in an instant?

But what about the moments of wrongdoing? Do they play like a freeze frame as well? That first taste of Jose Cuervo sophomore year. I knew it was all downhill from there. That party, that guy, my friendship ruined... Slow motion.

I know I'm just rambling, just thinking about how unpredictable life can be. Whether its the first time you saw her. Or the way he kissed you that night. We all have had a feeling. A sensation of "this is it". Haven't we?

So weigh in...have you had an out-of-body moment? A time where for some reason, you knew you would never forget this pause in time?

Mind Clouds

2006-07-12T21:53:00.000-04:00

Just like Pagliacci did
I try to keep my surface hid
Smiling in the crowd I try
But in a lonely room I cry
The tears of a clown
When there's no one around, oh yeah, baby baby
Now if there's a smile on my face
Don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
Don't let this smile I wear
Make you think that I don't care

- Smokey Robinson and the Miracles "Tears of a Clown"

I am not always happy. Are you? I have a great husband, great kids, great parents, great home, great job. Ideally my life should be a bed of roses with the occasional thorn. I have no reason to complain, yeah I'm broke like everyone else, but I'm alive, with a family, with a job. I have breath and use it everyday. I am thankful to the Lord for opening my eyes every morning. However, through it all, some days I am unhappy, some days I am frustrated, sometimes I feel alone.

How is it possible for someone with so many friends to feel alone? Is it possible to be in the middle of the crowd but yet so far away from everyone else?

We all go through tragedies, small and large in our lives. We all have that portion of us that's not quite right. We get down for no reason. We cry when we are alone. We lash out at people. What's the problem? Who can we turn to help us? We are to ashamed to let anyone in. We want to look good for our families and friends, when truthfully we need to be leaning on them. Forever strong we think, but we are in shambles underneath. Some of us have held feelings and emotions in so much we have molded our insides. We are drenched with dark emotions and we never air ourselves out. So our insides become moldy...stagnet.

I'm not talking to you in particular, I am talking about us. I do it too, I am so guilty. When I feel this way, as if I have nothing to complain about, I keep those dark emotions in. I don't want to seem ungrateful or whiny. After I had both of my children, I had severe post-partum depression. And you know what? I am glad I went through it. It taught me how to manage my emotions, that I was not alone. It made me comfortable enough to say, "I'm not okay and I need some help". I still struggle with this. Before then I was ashamed to admit something was wrong. I blamed it on my cycle or my hunger, lol. We (black folk) never seek outside therapy, we were not raised to be "weak". We were raised to hold it in, stop complaining, pray about it, maybe talk to Pastor, and never mention it again. Don't get me wrong, prayer should be the foundation in overcoming all obstacles. But sometimes the Lord helps you through the work of others.

You have been going through this alone long enough, go get you some help...

So weigh in...why is it taboo for black folk to get help? Is geting help a sign of weakness? Does getting help take your focus from prayer? Does seeing a therapist question for faith?

Don't Date Him Girl....

2006-07-11T06:58:00.000-04:00

Heard it all before (heard it all before)
All of ya lies, all of ya sweet talk
Baby this, Baby that
But your lies ain't working now look who's hurting now
See I had to shut you down (I had to shut you down)
Played the fool before (played the fool before)
I was your fool I believed in you
Yes I did yes I did
But your lies ain't working now look who's hurting now
See I had to shut you down (I had to shut you down)

- Sunshine Anderson "Heard It All Before"

ok, just when I thought I had seen it all. My Sassy Soror sends me this link to the craziest web site. Of course I'm going to share it with you. The website is called Don't Date Him Girl.com. It is basically a site when women can cheating men, trifling men, lying men...all kinds of no good men.

www.dontdatehimgirl.com

I must admit, I do think this is a little over the top, some of them maybe be up there for good reasons, some may be well deserved. But none of that stopped me from laughing my ass off. I mean some of the profiles had my literally crying laughing. Tears and all. And yes, I do know a person on here! Damn...I didn't know he was so trifling. You can search for men you know by name, city, or keyword!

The scary thought...what if the men come up with the same damn thing! How many of us would be up on it? HHHHMMMMMM

So weigh in...is this website fair? Did you find anyone you knew? Is there someone you might post?

The Ex Again?

2006-07-07T00:13:00.000-04:00

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

- Lauryn Hill "The Ex-Factor"

A friend and I had a conversation about the EXs, meaning the ex-boyfriends and the ex-girlfriends. For some reason, we just couldn't see eye to eye on this issue. He told me that all ties with the Ex should be severed once you are in a new relationship. I wasn't really trying to hear that. Maybe because I've never had a bad break-up. All of my EXs and I parted on good terms. We can still carry on a cordial conversation, ask about each others' families, and one of them will even give me relationship advice every now and then. However, none of them have ever tried to come back in my life in that manner, I do not allow any of them to disrespect my husband in any way. Luckily I've never had to enforce that policy because we are all just plain cool with each other. I'm not really a second-go-round kinda girl, once you are out of my life, you are out.

So why are my feelings on this slowly changing? I have been helping out a co-worker manage her love life (why everyone comes to me with their issues I don't know). She has two major Ex-factor issues going on in her current relationship. She has been seeing this guy for about four months now and is wondering where things may go; however, she cannot stop comparing the new love to the Ex-guy, while at the same time the boyfriend's Ex-girl won't stop calling. As for her, I have to constantly remind her that her ex-boyfriend is her ex-boyfriend and not her current boy toy for a reason. Hello, wake-up...he ain't shit. He wasn't shit then, not worth shit now, won't be shit in the near future. So let him go. No matter how sexy you think he is, he still shitted on you. She is letting this man control her current relationship. All I hear is Jay didn't do this, Jay didn't do that, Jay never liked this, Jay never liked that, Jay Jay Jay. Well, wake up sister, because Jay screwed your cousin, ran up your credit card bills, and has no remorse at all. Why do you even talk to Jay anymore? He is tired and useless, don't ruin a potential good thing, still fucking around with the devil. I believe this is true lack of respect for herself and a true lack of respect for her relationship.

Now as far as her current boyfriend is concerned. His Ex-factor issues are questionable as well. His immediate ex, the one he was engaged to, won't stop calling. She blows up his cell phone day and night. But she's smooth with her shit. She has this guy believing she needs his "help" in everyday situations. And he buys it! She will call to ask what kind of oil to put in her car, since he last changed it. She will call to ask what goes on his grilled salmon, because he made the best. She will call to ask advice on her current relationship, because he knows her better than anyone. Uh Huh...save that shit. She wants him in her life and is doing a fine job keeping him there. I honestly believe that he has no idea what she is doing to him. So I asked my coworker, its kinda hard to get to know a guy, I mean really get close to him, when his ex-girlfriend is sitting on his lap huh? He needs to dissolve it and let the old flame burn out.

I really do think EXs can co-exist and be friends, as long they respect you and your current relationship. That's the key.

So weigh in...how do you dispose of an Ex? If you are friends with one, is that ok? Is it necessary to sever all ties to make a current relationship work? I want to know what all of you think about the Ex-Factor.

Realistic Promises?

2006-07-02T00:19:00.000-04:00

Its been a long time, sorry I left you without a dope blog to post to...lol, ok I'm joking. What's been up ya'll? Its been a minute since we last talked. I got busy and a little burned out. I'm better now. I hope you all enjoyed the fourth. Smoked ya a lil drink and all that. So now, lets get to it, controversy first thing in July...

DJ won't you play this girl a love song
She really needs to hear this freakin' love song
She's lookin' at me kinda hard, I can tell that things ain't right on the home front
What she really needs is a G like me to Beat a beat, beat it, beat it

I can see how you want it baby
Wish ya man wasn't here with ya baby
I can see (ha) curiosity
Gotcha wanna try me
Homeboy can't please ya
On this wall in the open baby
You wouldn't care if the crowd was watchin' baby
you want it
I know it
Gotta notion to pull yo ass up outta here

- Jamie Foxx "DJ Play A Love Song"

I have given a lot of advice over this holiday weekend to two of my friends, both male and female. Both with the same problem. Both are in committed relationships, one married for four years and one has been with the same person over three years. For some reason, they are thinking of stepping out of those boundries. This got me thinking. I thought back to "Confessions" and all the infidelity people admitted to on that post, I thought of the Young and the Restless, I thought of Jamie Foxx singing about beating beating beating another man's girl. It made me wonder something. All this indiscretion going on, is monogamy natural?

People are living longer and longer. Which means relationships are lasting longer, marriages are making it 60 plus years now. I want to make it 62 years with the same man and sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor. My great-aunt and great-uncle had been married for 62 years when he passed away. The ideal couple, deaconess and trustee in the church, grown kids and beautiful grandchildren. They partied together back in the day, the party was always over their house from what I heard. So besides my grand parents, these were my other marriage role models. That is until I found a newspaper clipping of my great-uncle laying in a pool of his own blood when he was about 40. The article read that he had been sleeping with the neighbor's wife. Now apparently the neighbor had pretended to go to work, hid in the closet instead, and waited for my uncle to arrive to bang his wife. Then shot him, cold, my uncle managed to escape, but he was shot pretty bad. I would have never suspected, nor ever known, nor never believed it if I didn't see that article with my own eyes.

Honestly, out of all my friends who are either married or in serious relationships, I would say I know for a fact that about 85% of them have cheated on their significant others. Sad huh? People who have been married for years and people who had been dating for less than a year. Over the majority of them have slept with someone else. When asked, some said it was for sex, more sex and/or better sex. Some said it was for more attention. Some were just bored and need something new to do. However, they all say they were drawn to someone else to satisfy what they were missing. Drawn to..like magnetic. My question is, so is this attraction to other folk natural? Or does this prove something is missing in the relationship?

Where does love fall into monogamy? One of my close friends has been married for years; however, she has been with another guy for a-while as well. She told me that no matter what physically happened, her love would always be monogamous. Her husband would forever have her heart. Is that possible? I mean really...if you sleep with someone long enough, won't feelings eventually come into play?

So weigh in...is monogamy natural? Is it even realistic? Do you see yourself with the same person for the rest of your life? If monogamy is not natural, what should happen then? How can you make a long-time relationship exclusive?

Genuine Draft..

2006-06-28T20:43:00.000-04:00

They're playing Basketball
We love that Basketball
They're playing Basketball
We love that Basketball

Basketball is my favorite sport
I like the way they dribble up and down the court
Just like I'm the King on the microphone so is Dr. J and Moses Malone
I like Slam dunks take me to the hoop
My favorite play is the alley oop
I like the pick-and-roll, I like the give-and-go,
Cause it's Basketball, uh, Mister Kurtis Blow

- Kurtis Blow "Basketball"

Ok, ok, I'm watching the NBA draft. I must admit this is one of the worst draft classes in awhile. Again no high school kids, the suits are just ok, and my J.J. and Sheldon are no longer plaing for Coach K. This is how you know when its just not that exciting...Dick Viatle did not really yell too much.

This year things are so unpredictable. I expect surprises, but when the whole top ten are transitional, there is an issue. Everyone taken in the top ten, well make that the top eleven (because that is when my J.J. went)could have went 1st or 2nd. There are not any absolute best college players this year.

I don't think I have seen so many trades in the top ten as I did tonight.

My biggest disappointment? Rudy Gay going 8th to Houston and then there is a potential trade to Memphis? I think Tracy McGrady and cry baby Yao Ming need the young energy Gay can bring to Houston. I am in no way a Big East fan, my allegiance is to the ACC; however, I can give props to talent where I see due. Rudy Gay is a phenomenal player, going 8th was a steal. UCONN Huskies are always a solid team, many thanks to Rudy Gay and Marcus Williams. Who, by the way, shoulda went a lot higher than twenty-first.

Tyrus Thomas at four? Wow. Have you seen that fool block? He is a monster. I've never seen a defender jump that high to block. Straight beast. And he can shoot. Number four? If you say so.

Emotional ass Adam Morrison went third to Charlotte. It seems this team should do much better. Stacked with talent, May, Felton, Okafor...and now the baddest white boy America? Yeah, he looks a little like Hannibal Lechter with long hair, but he can ball. ESPN's first draft pool question was, "Who will score more points in Charlotte next year?". Good questions, I am betting on Morrison's crazy ass.

No I can't sign off without talking about my BlueDevils. Sheldon to ATL? I love my boy, but they coulda had someone a little better at number five. J.J. Reddick at number eleven? I can see that. The DUI didn't help. The issues with his back didn't help. Truth is, and yes I'll admit it, Duke players strugle in the pros, so I am surprised they were not upper teen picks. Never again will I admit that!

Well, we are up to the twentieth pick, and so far no point guards have been picked. So much for your future Allen Iversons. Ah point guard at number twenty-one.

So all my sports junkies weigh in...what did you think of the 2006 NBA draft? Any surprises? Any disappointments? Do you think they should let high schoolers back in?

Mary Mary, Why Ya Buggin'?

2006-06-27T21:14:00.000-04:00

"Mary, Mary.." WHY YA BUGGIN?
"Mary, Mary.." I NEED YA HUGGIN

Mary Mary Mary you cold thumb suckin
Lookin for you, but you keep duckin
I wanna find you, I gotta tell you somethin
So just be quiet and don't say NUTTIN
Mary Mary Mary why you out there stuntin?
Supposed to be with me, but not you're FRONTIN
We started out new, you used to be true
Now you're buggin, what's wrong with you?

"Mary, Mary.." WHY YA BUGGIN?
"Mary, Mary.." I NEED YA HUGGIN

-Run DMC "Mary Mary"

I am watching the BET awards. I have seen Beyonce, T.I., Chris Brown...and then here comes Mary J. Blige. Now don't get me wrong, I like a few songs on Mary's new album. Good beats, good lyrics. But do you remember when Mary had great songs, with great beats, and great lyrics. Yeah, she was the remake Queen, but she took the songs, flipped them and made them hers! What's the 411 is one of the best albums ever put out. But over the years, Mary has taken a turn, she went down. I hate to say this, but I liked Mary and her music so much more when she was high. Real love, My life, Reminisce, Sweet Thing, You Remind me...those were the hits. Have a drink Mary, I miss you.

Keeping along the same lines. What the hell happened to Chaka Khan. She used to be high on stage all the time, singing her ass off and having a good time. Now that she no longer drinks, or says she doesn't, she is on stage forgetting the lines to her own songs! Did ya'll see Prince help her out? lol. Poor child, Chaka couldn't even remember which key to come in on. Have a puff Chaka, I miss you.

While we are on the lines of Mary, let's talk about K-Ci and JoJo. We all knew that Jodeci stayed high and drunk. Diary of a Mad Band was great! They used to drink on stage! Feein', Come and talk to me, Forever My Lady...classics. And now that K-Ci claims to be clean, he is weirder than ever. This fool is pulling his pee-pee out on stage and fighting with his brother on stage. The final straw? When I saw a picture of this fool and he had his hair permed and flipped in the back just like mine. Snort this K-Ci, I miss you.

However, after watching the BET awards, I have come to the conclusion that Prince can still rock it...Even though his songs were better back in the day, he is still jamming. Prince carried Chaka's performance... Drugs, no drugs, liquor, no liquor, he can still perform. And has not aged a bit! No man ever looked better in 3" heels! Do the damn thing...

So weigh in...do you think they sounded better high and/or drunk? lol. Who else fits in this category? Do the drugs and liquor put you in "the zone"? lol...I feel so bad for even writing this, but it was on my mind.

Sprung? Not Me...

2006-06-25T20:35:00.000-04:00

She got me doin da dishes
Anythang she want for some kisses
I'm cookin for her when she gets hungry
All she do is actin like she want me
She cuttin off all my homies
Even all my other ronnies
She ain't even my main lady
See I been thinking 'bout it lately
Man she really don't deserve me
All she wanna do is hurt me
So I gotta get away from her...
But now I'm leaving quickly
Before she come and try to get me...
And I'm takin everythang with me...
Well it all come down to her...

I'm Sprung...(I'm sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you
I'm Sprung...(I'm Sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you

-T-Pain "I'm Sprung"

Ok, we have all been there. At the point where we look in the mirror and notice that we have grown pointy ears and a tail and the word jackass is written across our foreheads. The worst part is that everyone else has seen that plastered on your forehead for months. You were the only person that did not realize that you were playing Boo-Boo the fool.

I am a romantic at heart. I fall in love quick and fall in love hard. I love hard. This has been a handicap of mine all of my grown life. I have been hurt so many times because I did everything I could to hang on to men who obviously didn't love me back. I am just now beginning to be a little hard, I no longer wear my emotions on my sleeve. They more they see of you, the more they can manipulate you.

I could write on this topic all day. From the dumb shit I did in high school for a guys "love" to things I let the hubby get away with now...Boo-Boo the Fool has been my middle name. I'm not even sure what the dumbest thing I've ever done for love is. I know one situation that came close. I once dated this guy, the quarterback of A&T's football team, we dated (secretly) for about 3 months. He told me we had to keep it hush, because it was football season and the coach wanted him to concentrate on the ball and not his balls...so secret was ok with me. HeeHaw HeeHaw. I should known when he told me how special I was, and then asked me if I could help him with his accounting homework in the next breath. It got to the point where he would come by, kiss my deeply with such passion, and then put his accounting text book on my dresser with his assignment in it and then fall asleep in my room. And just like magic, it was all done for him in the morning before he went to class. I didn't start to notice until we only saw each other on Monday and Wednesday nights, the days before his accounting class. One night I didn't do it, I left on the dresser and went to bed. He snuggled all close and told me how much he appreciated me. Then, the next morning when he saw I didn't do his homework, he changed to Mr. Hyde...whoa, he was pissed. When I asked him if that was all I was to him, some damn workbook questions, he freaked. That was the beginning of the end. That night, I looked in the mirror, to my surprise I had big horse teeth, pointy ears, and everytime I opened my mouth...Hee Haw, Hee Haw...I was a jackass.

Bad karma came back on him when he was arrested for drunk driving, thus ending his illustrious (not) football career. Mr. Woodruff...um um um. If you were at home doing your accounting homework instead of drinking with Marcus and Jermaine...the cops wouldn't have got your ass. :)

So weigh in...what is the dumbest thing you ever did for the opposite sex? When did you turn into the jackass in the mirror? If this has never happened to you, or you have yet to realize it, then guess what, you are playing Boo-Boo now...lol.

Ghetto Fabulous...

2006-06-21T21:41:00.000-04:00

But its all gravy, baby
shots get popped, the cops shut down the party, jeans sag low,
blow smoke out the dutches,
we got love for ya'll but ya'll don't know us

Now we swerve in the suburban and switchin lanes
spend up all our dough on them chrome and thangs,
name our kids some funny names,
Don't hate on us were fabulous

We pay cellulars for local calls
hatin kinds of demons up at the malls rockin cornrows and twist,
thats how we roll don't hate on us were fabulous

- Jaheim "Fabulous"

We all know them. Some of them are in our family, some of them work with us. We are sometimes them. Those people, living Fabulously, Ghetto Fabulous that is.

I thought we would do something light and fun today. (Plus I am tired and don't wanna write too much tonight, I'm trying to see the bed soon!) So we are going to play "You know you ghetto when...". Now participation is key. So we can bounce off of each other today, lol. I'll start it off with a few. And yes, all of my examples are things I have encountered in 29 years on this planet.

You know you ghetto when....

- You are white, but you carry an afro pick in your purse (sorry, I had to, lol)
- You have two TVs on top of each other, one for sound and one for picture.
- When you take your own cheese to Burger King.
- When you have the plastic all over your furniture, and in the summer it sticks your ass like saran wrap.
- When all of the calendars in your house have the funeral home on them.
- You park on the front lawn, to conserve curb space.
- You get your own change out of the offering basket at church.
- Oh this one is better. You know you ghetto when you make change out of the stripper's tips on the floor. Dropping a ten on the ground and taking all that man's ones. (I saw you!)
- You've got the flyest ride on the block, but all your bills are in a relative's name.
- When your children (under 10) have colored braids and extensions.
- When your child can "lean back", "lean wit it rock wit it", "snap ya fingers", and make their "shoulder lean". Shout it to my baby girl Cam! You G-Fab Baby..I see you!
- Ok, when you shout out your kids...lol
- When you name your children after rappers. Especially when that is not even the rappers real name. I know children name both Kwame (like the polka dots, not the former NAACP leader) and JaRule. Uh..Hello, JaRule's real name is Jeffrey.
-When you name your children after malt liquor. Sorry Alize, I had to put it out there. (Your mama was young when she named you.) But now you trying to pass that name off as Alice! C'mon chick!
- You braid hair on your real job. Yeah, Cam's preschool teacher used to do her hair, during nap time.
- You wear flip flops and fish net tops to work. And damn it, you don't work on the beach! You work for the state. DHHS...DMA...Audit...9th floor...you know who you are by now!
- You wear glitter lip gloss and glitter eyeshadow to work. Again...DHHS...DMA...Audit...9th floor...
-While we are there, you know you are ghetto when have somebody steal your car so you can get an older model luxury ride, a mercedes...

Yes, some of the above mentioned are me, lol. And Bruce, you think I'm stuck up, Shiiiit! I could go on for days...

I know some of you can relate! So weigh in...how do you know when you're ghetto? Please feel free to clown anyone on here today.

Its better to laugh with someone as opposed to laughing at them.

Digital Display

2006-06-20T21:40:00.000-04:00

First and Foremost...Congratulations Miami Heat on your First Ever NBA Championship!!

My radio, believe me, I like it loud
I'm the man with a box that can rock the crowd
Walkin' down the street, to the hardcore beat
While my JVC vibrates the concrete
I'm sorry if you can't understand
But I need a radio inside my hand
Don't mean to offend other citizens
But I kick my volume way past 10
My story is rough, my neighbourhood is tough
But I still sport gold, and I'm out to crush
My name is Cool J, I devastate the show
But I couldn't survive without my radio
terrorizing my neighbours with the heavy bass
I keep the suckas in fear by the look on my face
My radio's bad from the Boulevard
I'm a hip-hop gangster and my name is Todd
Just stimulated by the beat, bust out the rhyme
Get fresh batteries if it won't rewind
cause I play everyday, even on the subway
I woulda got a summons but I ran away
I'm the leader of the show, keepin' you on the go
But I know I can't live without my radio
- LL Cool J "I Can't Live Without My Radio"

Cells phones, laptops, digital cable, navigation systems, ipods. We are a nation addicted to technology. We tend to gravitate towards things we really don't need, but have to have. We are a digital society. Feening for things we have gone this long without. Things that are not necessary but have become staples in our everyday life.

There are two gadgets I can't live without. The first is my cell phone. Since my cell phone is vital to my career, I find reasons to continuously upgrade it. I buy a new cell phone every two years. I must stay abreast of the newest features with my telly. What in the world with I do with it? How could I call somebody when I'm lost? What if my kids had an emergency? And even more recent, how in the hell did I eer survive with BlueTooth Technology? I can't believe I used to drivae around holding my cell phone to my ear, or getting tangled up in my corded headset. Now I don't even have to touch my phone! Speaking calls into existence. I am a call phone junkie. True enough, I used to feel the same way about my sexy blue pager that I got freshman year in college. Can you imagine thinking you are the shit because you have a pager? LMAO (laughing my ass off)! Now I see people with pagers and pray they have them for strictly work purposes.

The other thing I can't live without is my Time Warner digital package. I can never go back to dial up internet service or life without DVR. Do you remember when dial-up was the only option? It took forever to download anything. You could start downloading, go make dinner, eat, then come back and look at the pictures your cousin sent. Now I even have digital phone through my modem! Cable modem is a wonderful thang... And my Digital video recorder (DVR). You mean to tell me I can pause, stop, rewind and record live television? Shit...sign me up. Now I can tape anything on tv! And watch it anytime I want. Life is so busy I miss all my shows, but no more. No chunky videotapes to keep up with. I can watch Dwayne Wade (Go Heat!)...back him up...slow him down...whatever I want! I can't live without it.

Ipods, Ipod minis, there are so many things out there to get addicted to. Flash drives, laptops, palm pilots. I swear I even know a guy addicted to using on-star in his car. He talks to those people everyday! XM Radio is another thing. Life without commercials is so sweet. If you go t a lot of loot, you would be surprised how many convenience items you could find that you couldn't live without.

So weigh in, what technological advancement can you not live without? What gadget is a staple in your life?

Aggie Pride 'til the Day I Die!

2006-06-19T21:35:00.000-04:00

I am sitting here watching a preview for the NBA draft. As I continue to sit and watch I hear schools called one after the other. LSU, UCONN, Gonzaga, Villanova...something seems to be missing. Color? I watch the draft every year, football and basketball. I rarely hear the names Grambling, Howard, Florida A&M, NC A&T, or Tuskegee. There is really no HBCU (Historically Black College or University) representation in these events. Why? I'll tell you why, because our athletically talented brothers do not want to go to our schools. They want to play with the big boys, they want the recognition, they wanna go somewhere where the NFL and NBA can evaluate how they play against their seasoned peers. That is why our teams usually suck and get ass drug by the Division I schhols.

Not only am I seeing this trend, but more and more African Americans are choosing not to go to HBCUs. I am a proud alumni of NC A&T State University. Aggie Pride! But let me tell you, when I first got to A&T it was a shock to my system, like ice water down my spine. I came from a high school where the ratio of blacks to whites was like 1:3. All the blacks in Roanoke lived across town. My father went to an HBCU (NCCU), My Aunt went to an HBCU (St. Paul), My cousins went to HBCUs (Howard and Hampton). So I had already experienced "homecoming", it intriguied me and I wanted to be a part. It blew my mind to see a campus full of our people learning together, playing together, living together. So I knew it was something I wanted to consider, because I never grew up in that atmosphere. So I applied to NC A&T and FAMU. I was accepted to other schools, good schools, like the University of VA, but I had my mind set on A&T. When I got there, it did take some adjusting. No more parents, no curfews, and lots of beautiful black men. Whoa. I felt like Yogi Bear in a park full of picnic baskets. I hung out, partied 3 days a week and 4 if it was Martin Luther King holiday. I hung out on "the strip" in the "cafe". Even the library was nicknamed Club Bluford. The party never stops at an HBCU.

At the same time, I was not the smartest black girl anymore. I was at a place where I was not even in the top ten. Coming from a place where I had always been that girl. I was surround by intelligent black folk, and my mind smiled at this. Somewhere where I fit in. A&T, being a strong engineering school, had a plethora of bright minds. I joined a sorority full of the brightest most socially active women on campus. I always knew I wanted to be a Delta, but wow, when I got to see inside out what the organization was really about. I made it a quest.

When I would come home and talk to people about going to that "black" school, I didn't mind. I was proud, still am. Because truth be told, my African American peers from high school that went to the UVAs, the VA Techs, the UNCs, the MITs, the Georgetowns, they are not really doing shit with their lives. But carrying around a pretty diploma. Not say anything is wrong with any of these schools, but no longer look down on me as I pull up to my nice size home, after coming home from my pretty damn good job. See here is what everyone failed to see. When all those companies were looking for those quotas for their affirmative action goals, guess where they went? If you want to be able to choose from the cream of the crop where would you go to recruit minorities? Would you go to UNC or UVA to selct from a hand full of qualified candidates? Hells no, the big companies came to your A&Ts, your Howards, you Hamptons, your FAMUs, your Morehouses.

So who will support our black colleges and universities if we don't? White students, Hispanic students? Indian students (red dot and feather)? Those who can come to our universities and get minority scholarships? Show our children the options they have. Just because they go to Duke, doesn't mean they will get the job. Show our children the diversity in education. Take them to places that want to see them succeed. Like I said, I am not putting anyone's school down, just showing unwaivering pride in mine!

So weigh in, did you attend an HBCU? Why or Why not? If you did, what were some of the pros, what were some of the cons? No matter where you went, I want to here from you, shout out your alma mater!

With the Thickness

2006-06-18T21:25:00.000-04:00

sista big bones
can a brotha walk you home
look like a plate of neckbones
i'd like to keep yo' body warm

frankly i admire yo' style
how you go into work everyday
confidence, in yo' walk and yo' stride
got my nose open wide miss thing
i'd like to take you on a nice date
shoot some riddles have some vittles with you
make no mistake i'll be a gentleman
take yo' coat, open doors things i'll do

sista thickness
get down wit it wit the quickness
hope you won't forget this
put me on ya gift list
- Anthony Hamilton "Sista Big Bone"

Most of you guys know me personally. Most of you know I'm a pretty thick girl. Over the years I have become more and more comfortable with my curves. There was a time when I was discouraged with my weight, I think at that time I was a size 14. I must admit, I do get a little frustrated when I go shopping, but not because of what you think. I get mad because all of the larger sizes are gone. Once upon a time 8 was the most sought after size, now it seems to be 14 or 16. If you wear a 6 or 8, you got it, your clothes are plentiful, but the "average" women have bought up all of my size already.

Dove has created a whole advertising campaign centered on being comfortable with one's self. The campaign glorifies the beauty of everyday women. See the Dove beauty campaign here. Love yourself no matter who you are.

Even with the extra weight, I still think I am beautiful and sexy. This is the biggest I've ever been. I wear the battle scars of my two children; however, I still get looks, I still get smiles, and I still can turn a head. In all honesty, I get more look now than ever. Plus size pimpin' at its finest.

I must admit, being thick is a little easier for a black woman. Men expect us to have curves. As my boy says having some "juice". Black men like thick women. Black men like a woman with voluptuous tits, with curvaceous hips. So I lucked out. Every rapper has a song about a girl with a big ass. From Snoop to Paul Wall, men love something they can hold on to. Miss New Booty. I believe this is why white men are so attracted to me. The funny thing is this, women like it too. Nothing better than I thick man, my husband is my personal teddy bear. I love his size, I love the security I have in his arms.

Honestly, a big man with strong confidence. That is sexy. I have never dated any man that was thin. I prefer football build. I embrace a man's curves, as long as he holds his head high and works it. Dressed nicely, clean shaven, thick, with a beautiful smile. That's my dream, that's my husband.

So weigh in...would you or do you date thick women/men? Does size, meaning waist size, really matter? Some men are the exact opposite, they want the model type. What do you prefer?

Sometimes you feel like a Nut..

2006-06-15T21:56:00.000-04:00

Eddie Murphy: [As Bill Cosby] Yoouuu cannot say filth flarn filth flarn filth in front of people!
Eddie Murphy: And I said "I never said no filth flarn filth I don't know what you're talking about I'm offended that you called fuck you!" And that's when Bill got raw on me!
Eddie Murphy: [As Bill Cosby] That's what I'm talking about! Yoouuuuu cannot say......fuck!

-Eddie Murphy "Raw"

I thought we would end this week on a fun note. No heavy subjects...So on that note...

Tonight I was feeling kinda down, I'm kinda going through some things. I needed a real pick me up so I decided to go downstairs and put on one of my favorite all time movies, Bad Boys. Instantly, I'm saying all the lines, laughing so hard I'm crying. There is no one on this plane funnier than Martin Lawrence. No, he is not one of the Original Kings of Comedy. I would certain love to know who deemed them "Kings". I think there are many many more people more talented than the self pro-claimed Kings. What about Richard Pryor? What about Red Foxx? And Even Eddie Murphy was out before these Kings.

There is no comedian that could even mirror the diversity of Martin Lawrence. Who else can brag about hosting television show (Def Comedy Jam), it is not easy to impress Russell Simmons. Who else can brag on his own television show and multi-million dollar grossing movies. He can take the misfortunes in his personal life and turn them into side-busting stand-up routines. It is always nice to see folks who can laugh at themselves sometime. Jaime Foxx is giving him a good run. And if Dave Chapelle didn't go crazy, who knows where he would be.

Big Momma, Jerome, She-nana, Roscoe, Old Otis...he played them all. Was there every a stand up routine greater than you so crazy? Woosah..

Eddie, Robin, D.L., Steve, Chris Rock, Chris Tucker, Damon Wayans, Bernie Mac, Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps, Ricky Smiley, Bill Cosby, or Dave Chapelle. Who trumphs them all?

So weigh in. Who is the best comedian ever? Which one of the greats or not-so greats tickle your funny bone the most? What made them so funny? What's your favorite line by them?

Blind Justice

2006-06-14T21:48:00.000-04:00

Guess you could say youse the one I trusted
Who would ever think that you would spread like mustard?
Shit got hot, you sent Feds to my spot
Took me to court, tried to take all I got
'Nother intricate plot, the bitch said I raped her
"Damn, why she wanna stick me for my paper?"
My Mo-sci-no hoe, my Ver-sa-ce hottie
Come to find out, you was fuckin everybody
You knew about me, the fake ID
Cases in Virginia, body in D.C.
Woe, oh is me, that's what I get for trickin
Pay my own bail, commence to ass kickin
Lick in the door, wavin the four-four
All you heard was, "Poppa don't hit me no more"
Disrespect my click, my shit's imperial
Fuck around and made her milkbox material

- Biggie in Jr. Mafia's "Get Money"

I want to tell you a story.

On September 26, 2005, my cousin was murdered. A sweet guy, a hardworker, a father of twins age 4. He was shot 30 times. In my other cousin's living room while he slept on a couch. The gunmen, two of them, kicked in the front door and just started spraying bullets. In total over 100 shots were fired. Nothing was stolen, nothing was taken from the home excpet my cousin's driver's license.

This happened in a neighborhood, one of our neighborhooids, where the houses are close enough to open a window and jump in the next house. There were two other people in the house when this happend. One fled on foot and the other hid. Neither of them nor any of the neighboors saw anything. Now it was not that late at night. And in this quiet neighborhood, 100 gun shots did not spark anyone's attention to even peak out the window. Everyone one claims they heard nothing, they saw nothing. But the funny thing is, people on the streets know who did it, some of them can even supposedly tell you what was said before shots were fired. Everyone knows, that he was not the intended traget, but another person who lived in the home, my other cousin. My other cousin, who is also not cooperating in the investigation. My other cousin, who is tearing my family apart because he fails to tell what he knows. If someone wanted to put that many bullets in you, damnit you have a clue why. Don't you think?

It has been 9 months, no arrest. They have a suspect, but are not stongly pursuing the lead. Why? Because in my hometown, Roanoke VA, a blind eye is turned to black on black crime. The police assume its drug related. Might as well let the blacks clean each other up. Black on black crime is a way for the cops to not do their job. We will kill each other off eventually, hence solving the problem. However, these days with gangs so prevalent, it is a never ending cycle of death. Now, my cousin was not into selling drugs he might have smoke a little something now and then, but not deal. He worked at Big Lots, what kind of hustler works at Big Lots?

So initially my problem lies with our community. Why do we constantly stand in the way of justice? Is it that we are terrified we will be victimized next? Horrified by the thought of being hurt or killed by our own? In some ways I understand. Retaliation is a scary thing. But as of right now, I need a good snitch. Someone who may need to work a deal to get off a charge. My other issue is with the police. Are we not citizens of your city to? Isn't their job to protect and serve? Are we not worthy of protection? I feel as if there is so much more that can be done. The prime suspect has a record, one large enough where he should be up locked up anyway. At the ripe ole age of 21, the suspect is not starting adulthood properly.

So weigh in...how do you feel about snitches? Hinderance or help? Why are police so hesitant to actively work our cases? Do you think they feel it is a waste of time even bother when the cycle will just continue?

"Yeah I Did It...and I Hope They Burn In Hell!"

2006-06-13T20:40:00.000-04:00

She ain't no different from me
And he ain't no different from you
So we got to live our dreams
Like the people on TV

We gotta stay tuned
Cuz there's more to see (Unbreakable)
Through the technical difficulties (Unbreakable)
We might have to take a break
But ya'll know we'll be back next week

-Alicia Keys "Unbreakable"

We all love movies. Watching movies are a great way to relax and unwind. They transport you to another place and time. A good way to escape. Now, I love a good movie with some good lines. Me and My Cuz, Sherryboo, and my boy Bruce are movie buffs. Between the three of us, we have seen it all. We are those people, the ones that know the lines to every movie. Those people who use movie quotes in everyday life. From Friday to The Color Purple to Pretty Woman. Good lines are everywhere...

The best movies out there for quotes? Hands down its Bad Boys and Friday. I could sit and talk about those two all day... Both of these movies have an incredible duo leading the cast. This allows them to bounce great lines off of one another!

A couple of you have told me how much you sit and watch movies, well...let's see how much of a buff you are. See if you can tell where these come from...Some are easy, others are not. These are a few of my favorites...
Sherry and Brucie...ya'll can't play! lol.. ok, you can if you want.

1)"You got knocked the fuck out!"
2)"Nobody puts Baby in the corner."
3)"I'm an honest ho, and all my ho's honest."
4)"Ain't nobody here but me, and faggot ass Chanucey..."
5)"My bitch better have my money/Through rain, sleet, or snow/My ho better have my money/Not half, not some, but all my cash/'Cause if she don't,/I'm gonna put my foot dead in her ass."
6)"Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in."
7)"Sit yo' five dollar ass down before I make change."
8)"Do I make you horny baby? Do I?"
9)"You sho is ugly..."
10)"I feel the need, the need for speed, ooowww..."
11)"Don't be alarmed, we're negros."
12)"He gon' cry in the car."
13)"This is the most fun."
14)"I always tell the truth. Even when I lie."
15)"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
16)"The suspense is killing me, I hope it lasts."
17)"You ain't shit. You just like your daddy. You don't do shit, and you never gonna amount to shit. All you do is eat, sleep, and shit."
18)"Make me feel good."
19)"No more wire hangers..."
20)"How come yo' daddy don't play cards wit us no more?"

bonus * "Kiss my Converse!"

So someone can attempt them, and maybe ya'll can help each other out! lol..Some are super easy, others..well...let me me know if you need an answer.

So weign in...all my fellow movie buffs, what are some of your favorite movie lines? Could you come up with all of these? Challenge!

Let Go...

2006-06-12T22:01:00.000-04:00

Just let go
And let it flow, let it flow, let it flow
Everything's gonna work out right,
Ya know
Let go, and let it flow, let it flow, let it flow
Just let go

-Toni Braxton "Let It Flow"

You always hear people say that its the people you love the most that hurt you the worst. How true this is. Truth being said, people that you could give a rats ass about, you really could care less what they do to you or say about you. It rolls off your back. But those we love, we cherish, we admire and look up to, when they hurt us, it is one of the worst pains we could ever endure. We expect so much more. That's a guaranteed way you can tell how close you are to someone, let them hurt your feelings and see how you take it.

Because we expect so much more from those we love, it takes us longer to forgive these pains. This is the hardest part. Pain. Tears. Anger. The PTAs. When a loved one cuts us deep, no matter if it is a spouse, a family memeber, or a close friend, it usually involves the PTAs.

Now I have been on both sides of hurt. I've done my fair share and I've been on the receiving end just as much. The word "sorry" means to show remorse for, but how many times can you count and seriously say that "sorry" don't always make it beter, sorry still hurts. The key to moving on is forgiveness. It is so important to turn and look to our less than perfect selves for some realization. We have hurt people too. We have carried grudges, blown things out of proportion, instigated fights. We tend to "keep shit going". We must learn to love and get past these relationship roadblocks.

Life is too short. You know that person who you got beef with, who you label as having "issues"? The one that ripped your insides out. The person you were so incredibly close to before the drama? What would happen if that person died tonight? And you sitting there looking like Boo-Boo the Fool over some money they owe you or some he said she said. How would you feel if they never knew how much they meant to you? Evaluate whether or not you would throw it all away. Is your friends not worth this? Is your spouse not worth the trouble?

Let's all kiss and make up, work things through because tomorrow is not promised to any of us. My advice, Let go..Let God. It takes so much more effort to be pissed at someone. It takes so much more effort to remember you are mad. To frown. Just talk it out. Stop acting so damn stupid, so childish, let that hurt go. You don;t have to forget. But forgiveness takes some of the weigh off your chest.

So weigh in...do you hold grudges? What does it take for you to forgive? And if we forigve, must we always forget?

Sexy or Scary?

2006-06-08T22:34:00.000-04:00

Ok, this post is directed at my fellas...of course I always wanna know what the ladies think, but I want to hear some answers from both sides on this one.

You better come harder than hard, rougher than rough
Put up your guard, get ready to crush
It's thangs on this field that you just can't change
E.A. Sports, it's in the game, what'cha want?
(The rock in the palm of my hands!!!)
What'cha got? (I got John Madden!!!!)
What'cha want?
(The rock in the palm of my hands!!!)
What'cha got? (I got John Madden!!!!)
Feel the power

-Ludacris "John Madden 2000 Theme"

It is Thursday night, June 8th. Its halftime of the 1st game of the NBA finals. I am looking forward to Shaq and Flash (sexy lil Dwayne Wade for my amateur sports fans) taking their first title as teammates. Dirk and Jason Terry are threatening my hopes here. 46-44. Miami needs to turn up the Heat. Fa Sho. So I just sat here and thought to myself...how many other women are sitting here enjoying the NBA finals?

In a man's wide wide world of sports, it is becoming more common place to find women enjoying the game just as much. I grew up watching everything. My parents both football fanatics. My grandfather and father, lovers of wrestling. My other grandpop, baseball. And collage basketball is embedded in my soul. I am a SportsCenter junkie. The only child of sports fans. That's me. I used to be an outsider amongst women, but more and more I am finding others like me. I have two girlfriends who can run rosters and spit stats on football and college basketball just like me. My partner at work has a lock on hockey...yeah, she's white (I still can't get into it).

For all who wanna chat teams and players here is my list...

*Pro Football - Carolina Panthers, but I love Randy Moss. His country ass keeps it real ( when keeping it real goes wrong).
*College Football - VA Tech Hokies
*NBA - No team..just players; Dwayne Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Allen Iverson..can't forget King James! LeBron does the damn thing.
*NCAA Basketball - Duke Blue Devils...yeah I know
*Baseball - New York Yankees (how can you not like a team with A-Rod, Derek Jeter, and Jason Giambi- the steroid comeback king)
*Track & Field - Justin Gatlin (run Just run)
*World Cup Soccer - Brazil

*I like the Fox's football commentators and pregame show. Terry, James, Jimmy, and Howie. They make it so fun!
*Barkley is my favorite basketball commentator.
*My favorite anchors are ESPN's Stuart Scott, Neil Everett, and Chris Berman. Stephen A Smith has the worst damn suits!

Ok..enough about my favs.

Now, NBA is not my favorite. They stopped playing the game a long time ago. Back in the 1st Michael Jordan era. Now its showboating without defense. Until you get to the play-offs that is. I must admit I am new to the whole professional soccer world, even though I used to play. I have to be a part of the most popular sport in the world. I like Brazil because they have the most passion fo rthe game, the most exciting fans...and shit, the best commercials!

Lets not forget the sports movies! They are the best. Any Given Sunday, For the Love of the Game, Varsity Blues, He Got Game, Friday Night Lights, The Last Boy Scout, Rocky 1-75. All of them, great!

So tell me, is all this scary? Some guys love it, some guy are terrified. Yes, me and some of my girls can hang with the big boys. Some guys feel intimidated by our knowledge. They seem to think its strange or not natural. I'm a lady, all woman, I like frilly things and foo foo stuff too. Now some men love it, we can kick it and discuss it all. In college, I got more guys with sports trivia than I did with the tattoo on my thigh and my daisy dukes.

So on this brink of the NBA Champions being crowned, the Stanley Cup finals going on, the World Cup being played, with the World Series, and the NBA draft in sight...weigh in...for the guys, are women sports buffs scary or sexy? Ladies, do you like to watch sports, if so what is your experience with this. And for everybody...rep your teams! I'd love to get to know you guys better! You can learn alot about a person by who they cheer for!

What's Your GT?

2006-06-07T21:46:00.000-04:00

But its all gravy, baby
shots get popped, the cops shut down the party jeans sag low,
blow smoke out of dutches, we got
love for ya'll but ya'll don't know us

Now we swerve in the suburban and switchin lanes
spend up all our dough on them chrome and thangs,
name our kids some funny names,
Don't hate on us were fabulous

- Jahiem "Fabulous"

If you have not figured out by now, I am a spoiled only child. I grew up in a middle class home. I went to county schools not city schools. Nowhere in my background will you find the hood. I am especially particular about restaurants, hotels, and ink pens! I am so "professional" sometimes its sickening. That's Candance.

Now Candee, has a couple GTs, Ghetto Tendencies. I love kool-aid. Orange, Cherry, Tropical fruit. With lots of sugar! But my biggest tendency of all is my love of hood ass music. I will roll the windows down, crank the volume up, and inch the bass to the sky. Anything from the Dirty Dirty...from OutKast to Jeezy to T.I. to Paul Wall to Lil Wayne (I'm a new fan), yeah even Three Six Mafia (Do ya'll remember Tear the Club Up?). I love it all. It is my ghetto weakness. Not that I like these folks, but the fact that I like the worst damn song on the cd. The one with the most cussing, the funkiest beat, the one sending the worst message.

Right now, my necessary evil DJ Khaled's Holla At Me. You know the song with Lil' Wayne, Paul Wall, Fat Joe, Rick Ross, and Pit Bull. I break my damn neck when its on! Ya'll know I got a thang for Fat Joe anyway, then PitBull get on their speaking spanish at the end...what! That's the fire. In addition, I have been revisiting some classics lately. My favorite being Andre 3000 and Big Boi present OutKast. Its like their greatest hits. I know my neighbors hate hearing Southernplayalistic in the mornings! I even pulled out Pac and Snoops's 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted this week along with Nas'Illmatic! But hey, its who I am. Yes, I am going to SuperJam this year. Tims and Jeans...guaranteed gun shots, but for T.I. and Paul Wall. Its a chance I gotta take! I know I know...ghetto.

After work, business suits, high heels, and panty hose everyday, I get in to car an d blast out the parking lot. That's me. Straight hood...in the car, lol. All of us have something, whether its our music, long painted nails, hard french rolls, the movies you like...something makes you G-Fab.

So weigh in...what's your ghetto tendency? I know most of you on here are just as uppity as I am, but we all have that one thing that is so hood about us. What makes you ghetto fabulous?

The Omen...

2006-06-07T05:49:00.000-04:00

I know you'd like to thank your shit don't stank
But lean a little bit closer, see
Roses really smell like boo boo boo
Yeah, roses really smell like boo boo boo

- OutKast "Roses"

Yesterday was 6/6/06...666, the devil's number. The numbers Damien had imprinted on the back of his head in the Omen. So its no wonder why yesterday, people were as evil as ever.

I am genuinely a nice person. I go out of my way to make people happy, sometimes this is a little more difficult than others. Don't get me wrong, I still live my life for me and my family, but I try to be a good person when it come to others. But on 6/6/06, something must have been in the air, because the day started of kinda funky with me have a issues with someone who I thought was a close friend (I know you had to do what you had to do - we still cool, well, we'll be eventually) and it went snowballing downhill from there.

Have you ever met someone who never had anything nice to say? Someone who's aura seemed to emit negative vibes. Someone who never had anything positive to say? She's mad at this, she is pissed because this, that is unfair to her because to that. Damn, do you ever have any uplifting words. I have a so called friend, who is so critical of everything, who is so judgmental of everything, who never has a positive thing to say about anyone. This person would love to tell you how you and everyone else should live your lives. Do you know that person that feels as if the world should revolve around them? And when it doesn't, then there is hell to pay. 666, the day of the devil. Do you have that person who constantly telling you why she is so important, she has to do this and she has to do that because her role in life is just so necessary. But you and your measly little life, she'll get time to make an appearance or ask how you doing when she is not so into herself. Oh, but when she needs something from you, their a double layer of icing on that cake. Just as sweet... And on the day of the devil, my tolerance for this person came to a head. Relax, relate, release...

Here is my other issue. I have a small number of people I consider my close friends. I'm selective. But over the past year, I have noticed more and more that several of the women in my inner circle don't get along, one of them is usually a "Damien", trying to bring the negativity to all. However, you can see both sides of the feud. It makes parties and gatherings difficult. Trying to work the room so one party doesn't think that you are taking sides. So no one thinks you like her better than them. Drama. I try to stay away from inner feuds, Candee Can loves the world. But the awkwardness is sometimes more than I can bear. How do you handle these issue when they are in your inner circle. See even before me, several of my girlfriends have had issues with Little Miss All About Me. I tried to ignore it, defend her, give her the benefit of the doubt, but on 6/6/06. She lost that battle with me. See the storm had been brewing on the horizon, but on this day, it decided to sweep on through.

For reasons of sanity, I try not to surround myself with people like this, but every now and then it just seems someone gets by me with their false intentions and then the true them comes out to play after they have embedded themselves like a tick in your jugular. Sucking you dry all of your positive energy. On South Park they call these folks Succubus.

I do not and will not make time for a "All About Me" friend.

So weigh in, how do you dump a friend? Is it even necessary to tell them or can you just back up and give the relationship some space and pray for the best? What if you have drama between two friends in your inner circle? How do you deal with that? Hang with one at a time? Try to smooth it on out?

He's Just Not that Into You

2006-06-06T01:28:00.000-04:00

Oh girl I know that you're
Attracted to me
And I should feel the same
About you
There's just something wrong
I don't know what it is
That keeps us from becoming a two

It's not your looks, you're very pretty
It's not your style, the way you dress is oh so fresh
It's not the way that you carry yourself

Oh, girl I'm sorry
You're not my kind of girl
Cause you're the kind of girl That a man's dreams are made of

Girl listen to me
You're so pretty
I wouldn't change a thing about you
But I've been in love before
So I know how it feels
And the chemistry just isn't there

-New Edition "You're Not My Kinda Of Girl"

There is this book that made headlines a couple years ago, it was called He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. It basically explains how sometimes a guy is just not that into you. Even though you like him and you are trying to make it work, its just not gonna happen. It explains how men are such simple creatures, and 9 out of 10 times he didn't call because he just didn't want to. He didn't ask you out, because he doesn't want to date you. He is really not that complicated. There were so many people that I wanted give this book to. Including me, I am not exempt from this topic. I've played the "he didn't call because" game many times. You know, the game where you try to come up with as many reasons as you can, why he didn't call? He was too tired, he worked late, maybe he's studying, maybe he had to do something for his mom or his kids, maybe he is having a rough day. Truth is, if he is into you like you think he is, you would be his support on those rough days. This one I can write from experience.

So here are a few indications that "He's Just Not That Into You" that I have observed. These are in no particular order.

-He only calls late at night. No he doesn't work until midnight.
-He only tells you how he feels about you during sex. That means he is interested in your coochie poo, not you.
-Oh wait, what if you throw yourself on him and he doesn't even want to kiss you or do you? He is just not interested.
-You cannot drop by his house when you want to, you have to call first. Hhhhmmm, suspect.
-You never spend time together unless he initiates it. And you only do the things he wants to do. He called you because he was bored and you were available.
-You have never met any of his friends and/or family. No they are not always too busy, he just doesn't think that much of you.
-You always call him and he never calls back. If he was into you, he would definitely find time in his day to talk to you. No he is not shy.
-Oh this is the main one that has me falling out rolling, he won't marry you because he wants to have his life in order first. Girl please...He can do any and everything else he wants to .

Here are some key phrases to look for...

-I just got out of a relationship.
-I don't want to ruin our friendship.
-Marriage is just a piece of paper.
-I'm married, but we are separated.
-The guys are going to...(fill in with any activity you could possibly imagine) so I can't go with you..

Now don't get me wrong, some guys are really nice about letting you down easy. Some of us are just to blind to see what's going on. How can we avoid being victims of these one-way relationships? Step back, take yourself out of the picture, and look at this thing from the outside. If this was your mother or your sister, would you feel the same way about the guy's actions towards them?

I want so many people to wake up and see things for what they really are. We all have a girlfriend or two...or in my case, three or four that are living in a fantasy world. Listen girlfriend, I've seen friendships end because your friend called herself "looking out" for you. Don't be so far into a guy that you get tunnel vision. Step back and see the big picture. Don't blow up at the person who is trying to help you out, because when he is gone your girl will still be there.

So weigh in...how can you tell that "he's just not that into you". What's signs point to this? Guys, please give us some insight. How do you let her know she's not the one? Why is it so hard to say "you ain't the one"? Or does she really just not get it. How can you tell a friend that she is not the one? Is it something you approach or do you step back and just let the cards fall?

Nothing New Baby...

2006-06-02T06:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry Folks no new blog today! I had to get ready for my weekend of parties, cookouts, family, and friends! I'll see most of you tonight and tomorrow!

You can keep yesterday's discussion rolling!

Smooches!

Candee Cane

Dropping The N-Bomb

2006-05-31T23:23:00.000-04:00

you complain about being black,
when they mad cuz they can't be black no mo'
so many black men out here trying to be niggers
keeping it real to the point that they dying to be niggers
when in actuality the fact is you ain't a nigger because you black
you a nigger cause of how you act
but, you don't want me to tell you the truth, so I'ma lie to you
make it sound fly to you huh, huh,
you don't wanna hear the truth, so I'ma lie to you
make it sound fly to you, shit
The nigger experience

- Goodie Mob "The Experience"

We (African -Americans) have gone from white folks calling us niggers in a derogatory fashion to calling each other niggas in a homeboy mentality. Every rap song, every comedian, walking down the street, or even in our homes, we hear the word nigger used in some way each and every day. Nigga please, What up my nigga ... these are common expressions in 2006. Lets turn the clock back forty years, what would the freedom fighters of that age think of us using this word so freely?

So why the change? Have we merely taken possession of the word and made it our own? OR are we justifying its use? I have heard two very different sides of this debate. One side saying that we must erase this word from our vocabulary. Banish it. It is and always will be a racial slur. The other argument being the n-word is only negative if we let it be. If other races can see we are not affected by it, then it has no impact. These are the persons who have taken ownership of the word for black culture. This is who uses it to be synonymous with "guy" or "man". A term of endearment.

Personally, I would like to let it go. It doesn't bother me to hear it; however, I would prefer to be called lady or woman, shit even black... I must say, I am guilty of saying it on a casual basis every now and then. When I use it, I use it in the Chris Rock sense of the word. You know what I mean. He says "Love my black people, hate my niggas". Meaning, black people are fine, but the ghetto folks that make us look bad have got to go! I am sure white people and hispanics have similar issues within their own races, we just don't hear them discuss it as openly as we do. I have never seen a white person call another white person a cracker or a honky, never seen a mexican call another one a spic. Why is that? I will tell you that I have heard a white person call another white guy a wigger on more than one occasion. Is this supposed to be an insult? I think so.

Another question I have for you guys is this... is it okay for your close white friends to say it? (You know like Kelisha, we love her!) It is so funny how so much depends on who says it. When Fat Joe says it, we turn our heads and keep rocking to the song, but when J-Lo says it, we are ready to boycott. They are both Puerto Rican, they were both referring to their "homeboys". Where is the difference?

So weigh in...what does the "N-word" mean to you? Are you disturbed by it? Does it not faze you? If you are one of my three caucasians readers, what are your thoughts on the use of the n-word?

The Art of War

2006-05-30T22:34:00.000-04:00

Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
When you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
When we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy
When you're mad

- Ne-yo "When You're Mad"

Tonight, has not been that great for me. For reasons we won't discuss, I'm pissed off. There are two people in particular that can smooch the booty right about now. My father always told me never to go to sleep mad, it will interrupt your rest. Or even worse, what happens if you don't get up at all. So here I am, writing the blog, typing fast, face all scrunched up. When I am mad Candance The Mommy" goes away and Candee that bitch from around the way comes out. I curse, and I curse bad when I am heated. Its like a switch flips and I become another person. The funny thing is, some of you that know me personally don't think I can get rowdy when I need to. I know at least one of you thinks I am a pushover.

Why is it when you are pissed off the most, that's when the most people call?
Why is it when you are pissed off, everyone else wants to be all lovey dovey?
Why is it when you are pissed off everyone wants to see how far to that edge they can push you until you skydive over the cliff?
Why is it when you are pissed off, everyone else looks so damn happy? Happy cheery bastards.

Writing is a release for me. When I have something on my mind, I love nothing more that putting it on paper, or on the internet in this case. The funniest thing I do when I'm angry, I clean. I close my mouth and just get to it. No need to talk, words poison arrow heads waiting to sting the next person. I really wish I was one of those people who worked out when they were mad, to release stress. I would love to punch. I think I could go eight rounds with Oscar De La Hoya right now. All while barking like I was DMX. lol..yes I am heated.

Quick tempers get people in trouble. Quick tempers get people shot. Quick tempers get people fired. Quick tempers leave you lonely. Just writing this little bit has made me feel better already. I know this is not that exciting, but tonight this was therapy for me, not entertainment for you. Because right now I'm not really thinking about you. Sorry!

So weigh in...What's your prescription for pisstivity? When you are angry what is your out?

Unintentional Intolerance

2006-05-30T00:42:00.000-04:00

I've been wonderin' why
People livin' in fear
Of my shade
(Or my hi top fade)
I'm not the one that's runnin'
But they got me one the run
Treat me like I have a gun
All I got is genes and chromosomes
Consider me Black to the bone
All I want is peace and love
On this planet
(Ain't that how God planned it?)

- Public Enemy "Fear of a Black Planet"

I leave my nice home in the morning for work, at the stop light I purposely turn my music down when I pull up beside an older white couple. I get to work at least ten minutes early and put on my "professional" voice. I wear the suit, no business casual for me. For lunch, I order my usual sushi favorite, and I leave a gracious tip.

It seems as I get older, I go out of my way not to be that angry black woman that everyone expects me to be. And the funny thing is, I'm not her. There are some many stereotypes that blacks face, black women especially, and I usually don't fit any of them. Does this mean I am "acting" white?

America the beautiful, land of the free , home of the brave. However, how can I be completely free, when I am constantly be stereotyped. This country is the largest melting pot in the world. All of us are different, diverse, and each of us come from a beautiful legacy. So why is it, we never see the richness of each other's heritages, only the modern day "judgments" we put on one another?

We all are guilty of stereotyping. Everyone has done it, whether or not we admit it. Positive grouping is called "generalizations", while negative bunching is called stereotyping. Every culture has their own negative misconceptions. Here is a list of the few that I have heard...

Blacks are lazy.
Blacks are aggressive.
Black are always late. Hence the phrase "CP (colored people) Time".
Blacks have bad credit.
Blacks only have "baby daddies".
Blacks love fried chicken and watermelon.
Whites cannot dance.
Whites love mayonnaise.
Mexicans pack too many people in a car and/or a house.
Mexicans are migrant workers.
Mexicans stab people.
Mexicans don't have licenses and/or car insurance.
Italians are in the mafia.
Italians curse more than everyone else.
Muslims are terrorist.
Jews are cheap.
Catholics are drunks.
Asians cannot drive.
Japanese are obsessed with techie gadgets.
Vietnamese people eat cats and dogs.

Have you noticed that the ones about white Americans are not really that bad? Is it because they are making them all up? lol... I knew there was a problem when I overheard some folks say "Mexicans are the new blacks". Damn...

So weigh in...are stereotypes racist? Which ones really annoy you about your race? Did I leave out any that have crossed your mind about other ethninticities?

Disclaimer
The comments expressed on the blog are that of the individual giving his/her opinions. Nothing will be used against anyone at a later date...No grudges will be held. We are just speaking about our own individual "ignorance".

I..I..I the Pappy

2006-05-26T05:38:00.000-04:00

Yesterday here in North Raleigh, we had a terrible thunderstorm. It is now Friday morning at 5:35 am and I just got power. It has been out since around 6:00 pm. So because I have a full-time job, and I have to get dressed in 25 min...this will be short and sweet. To make matters even worse, I have no clue what I am going to talk about today...so when this happens, do you know where I go for topic ideas? Back to "Confessions". Lmao..sad but true. So let me go pick something to talk about...and if this was your confession..my bad, just look at it as you were helping me out! Maybe you can give us some insight later. :)

Baby mama love (that's what it is)
See I be damn if i let my son call another man Daddy
And if u feel like i feel, that's baby mama love
I don't wanna be with her, but i just can't stand to see her with no body else
I know it's bad but i can't help myself
Baby mama love
See I be damn if i let my son call another man Daddy
And if u feel like i feel, that's baby mama love
I don't wanna be with her, but i just can't stand to see her with nobody else
I know it's bad but i can't help myself
Baby mama love

- N2U "Baby Mama Love"

April 29th @ 9:59 am Anonymous said...

Here's a confession for those wanting something really juicy. I don't know who the father of my child is. My husband thinks the child is his but there is a 50% chance that my ex-boyfriend is the father. I think both have their suspicions.

Live and direct straight from the set of Maury, Jerry Springer, Montel, or Jenny Jones (Tyra and Oprah are too deep for this). I must say that I truly feel for her and her situation, the sad thing is, sweetie you are not alone in this struggle. This situation is becoming commonplace, as witnessed on the shows mentioned above. There used to be a time where the phrase "because he's a man" was synonymous with infidelity; however, as seen on "Confessions", more and more women are becoming the ones who step out on their boyfriends and husbands. Indiscretion is no longer a man's thing, but more so a human thing. And it seems it is more prevalent than ever. It's in the songs we listen to and the shows we watch! Take for example Young and the Restless, there are two instance of this same situation being played out right now! Neil just found out Lily was not his daughter and now Phyllis is not sure whether Nick or Jack is her baby's daddy.

Ok, back to Anonymous and her current situation. I guess there is one main decision you must make - To tell or not to tell. I don't know the players involved, but I ASSume the situations would play out like this...If you tell hubby, you risk your marriage and your family being disrupted. If you tell ex-boyfriend, he may want to raise his child. Most men (not all but most) would not volunteer to raise a child, especially since she is already in another relationship, but because there is history there, the situation may play out a little different. Would you let your child call another man daddy? Those are the risks with telling the truth.

What would happen if you didn't say a word? Well, if the baby looks more like you than your hubby, not much would happen I guess. But Lord..if that child grows up to look like the boyfriend. DAMN!!! Tough break nucca...I guess the thing then is, does the hubby know what boyfriend looks like. Then also, if there is any issue of paternity down the line, she would risk hurting the child for not having a chance to growing up with his/her daddy.

I know alot of folks did not read this confession, it was two days into the post when most of us had moved on (I have lots of readers who go back and post over the weekends to play "catch-up"). I think this one only got like one or two responses, so lets discuss. She may need our help. Weigh in...what in the hell would you do in this situation? Tell them? Keep the secret? From the man's point of view, if you were the hubby or the boyfriend, what would you want her to do?

Color Me Bad...

2006-05-24T23:08:00.000-04:00

He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands
Everything I go through and everything I am
That's my support system, I can't live without him
The best thing since sliced bread,
Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch
And I just want the whole world to know, about my..

Black Brotha, I love ya, I will never - try to hurt ya
I want ya, to know that, I'm here for you - forever true
Black Brotha, strong brotha, there is no - one above ya
I want ya, to know that, I'm here for you - forever true

- Angie Stone "Brother"

Angie says "I'm here for you, forever true". And she ain't never lied. I love a black man. They are strong, sexy, intelligent, and powerful in many ways. They appreciate diversity. Maybe that's why so many of them, don't want us anymore, but no matter what, we still want them. Like Angie said, "Forever true".

For ages black men have been quick to date outside there race. From the early days of Mandingo to the modern world of Taye Diggs. They are not ashamed nor intimidated to step outside of African decent for love, sex, or just companionship. And guess what, I ain't mad at 'em. I have never been one to say "why he with that white girl" or "what a waste" when I see him with one.

Rather this, my issue is with black women today. How often do we see a black women dating outside of her race? And tell the truth, when you do see it, you're like "You better go girl". What are we so afraid of? I dated a white guy once. He was great in every way, but for other reasons we had to part ways. Do we feel as if we are betraying our ancestors if we holler at Chad, or Miguel, or Tran? It took a movie starring Sanaa Lathan for some of us to even think about it. Why is that? Maybe we are not attracted to other races. Maybe we like the chocolate tones that we have at home. Or is it that black men are really "bigger". lol

Maybe its not us at all. Maybe its that the men from these diverse backgrounds don't find us attractive. This is hard for me to believe. We are beautiful. Full figures, full lips, breathtaking hues. How could they not want us? There are websites (www.afroromance.com) and organizations geared towards these romances (I saw it on Oprah). You gonna let a man like Brad Pitt pass you by? I have heard that most of these "other" men think of black women as a hidden sexual desires. In Monster's Ball, Billy Bob Thorton's character's dad tell Halle plainly, "You ain't a man until you spilt black open".

So weigh in...why are black women so hesitant to date men from other cultures? Do we feel as if we are betraying our heritage or is it that no one wants to take a chance on us?

Quiet Stormin'

2006-05-23T22:34:00.000-04:00

I don't wanna stop just because
People standin' 'round watchin' us
I don't give a damn what they think
I want you now
I don't wanna stop just because
You feel so good inside of my love
I'm not gonna to stop no no no
I want you all i wanna say is

Any time, and any place
I don't care who's around
Any time, and any place
I don't care who's around

-Janet Jackson "Anytime, Anyplace"

I was sitting here brainstorming about what to write about tonight. I decided to turn on the radio to help me think, because a good song always has a story line in it. I turned on Foxy and the music just took me away. The song that was playing was "You and me girl..go along way back" by Bloodstone. They don't make music like that anymore. I know I'm young, I'll be 30 next year, but I love old school slow jams. I am a big fan of the Quiet Storm. The slow music used to be so good. It told stories...stories of pain and despair, stories of new love and love making. Remember when we used to make "booty tapes", to play when you knew you would be getting some. I've always said that sex is better with a soundtrack.

Man, I sat here thinking of all the good old slow songs, and tried to think if any of the ones out now could even compare. Nope. Not even close. We have some artists that sound like the old favorites, but just can't write songs like they used to. Jahiem sounds like Teddy Pendergrass, but he can't pull off "Turn off the Lights" and Mary J can sing...but she can't get Rose Royce on "I'm Going Down". From Earth, Wind, and Fire to Mint Condition, from to Don Hathaway and Luther to Usher and Kem. And yes, I must say the men did get down a little better than the women. Otis Redding, Sam Cooke, Brian McKnight, Babyface, Guy. A man's voice moves you, soothes you. A vocal massage.

To me I can hear a slow jam and tell you exactly what was going on in my life at that time. Funny huh? When I hear, Boyz to Men's "Water Runs Dry" I think of me and Ben Peete kissing for the first time in his GMC Jimmy in the 11th grade after the last basketball game of the season. His braces cut my lip, ouch. Everytime I hear Joe's "The Things Your Man Won't do". I picture myself back in 1996 in my little geo storm driving to Goldsboro, to see my boyfriend Sean. When I hear Luther and Cheryl Lynn's "If This World Were Mine", I think of me and the hubby cuddling and play singing to each other. We think we can blow...A regular Ceefus and Reecie.

Lets talk about my all-time favorite slow jam. No its not Luther or Freddie or Teddy or Al. Its actually by a woman. My favorite slow song of all-time has got to be "Anytime, Anyplace" by Janet Jackson. The song is pure melodic seduction. I love its message. That I am so into you, I could careless who is around, who is watching us. Just don't stop. The music is hypnotic, there was rain in the beginning of the song and the end. Thunderstorms are so sexy. In addition, the video was hot, even though the dude was scary looking (remember those braids sticking up in that ball on his head - ahhh!).

So weigh in...what's your all-time favorite slow jam or slow jam artist? Why did the song move you so much? Is there a memory there?

Yes, this is a topic you actually don't have to post anonymous on! lol

Oh Lord!

2006-05-22T21:47:00.000-04:00

Who gave u permission to rearrange me
Certainly not me
Who told you that it was alright to love me
Certainly not me

I was not looking for no love affair
And now you wanna fix me
I was not looking for no love affair
And now you want to mold me
Was not looking for no love affair
Now you wanna kiss me
Was not looking for no love affair
And now you wanna control me

- Erykah Badu "Certainly"

The Scenario
So you are single and ready to mingle. Then you meet him. He's the perfect height, the perfect build, got the perfect job, no kids! He's interested in you too, but then there is something else he has to let you know upfront...no he's not gay, he's a Jehovah's Witness.

So you take a sigh of relief, that's not that bad. Or is it? He still believes in Jesus and God, right? So you begin to date. It's nice. You wanna go to the movies but he has to do his mission work on Saturdays. Thats cool, you just go at night instead. So your birthday comes around, no gift. Your anniversary, no gift. Christmas, no gift. Now you get a little concerned..but that is not the true meaning of Christmas anyway right? Or fellas, what if she was Muslim and your mama raised you on fat back for breakfast and fried chops for dinner. Could you sacrifice the hog? What if he wants to go to Sunday service, but you rather relax and sleep late, for God's sake you have to get up early every other day! Differences...

I was raised Baptist. I've been a church member since the age of 7. So a man that is "equally yoked" is important to me. That was one of the things I looked for in a mate. He had to not only know the Lord, but love him and humble himself to him, just like I do. No if, and, or buts about it.

Its not just the diffrence in religion. Its also the no religion hang-up that would get to me. I can't pray him into heaven, so what's the use? So to sum it up, he has to be my spiritual equal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting down anyone's beliefs or telling them their beliefs are wrong. I am just talking about my own situation. I don't think it is a good idea to ignore the religious background of your partner until its time to plan your wedding ceremony. I don't think it is fair to go into a relationship trying to "convert" your mate. I do believe you should tell them your beliefs up front, be open and honest with them. Maybe you can lead them to finding the faith they have been searching for. Don't go into it with the attitude of "fixing" them. Maybe they do not feel they are broken.

So weigh in...does religious preference matter to you in a relationship? How far do you bend your faith for the "perfect" mate?

Distant Lover...

2006-05-21T21:52:00.000-04:00

I guess you wonder where I've been
I searched to find a love within
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go

My friends wonder what is wrong with me
Well I'm in a daze from your love, you see
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go

Some people go around the world for love
But they may never find what they dream of
What you won't do, do for love
You've tried everything but you don't give up
In my world only you makes me do
For love what I would not do

- Bobby Caldwell "What You Won't Do for Love "

I know two women who have been in relationships for over 10 years. And most of the ten years, they have basically been alone raising children. One is the wife of a soldier, the other is the wife of an inmate...

I think it was Tupac that sensationalized the joys of having a "ride or die" chick. Someone who has your back through thick and thin. In Me and My Girlfriend he states, "All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend. Down to ride to the bloody end, just me and my girlfriend." More and more, women are becoming Bonnies, to a man's Clyde. I know two women, who had two very different scenarios play out to the same beginning. One girl lived the fast life, she knew her man was selling drugs and even though she did not partake of his activities, she damn sure reaped the benefits! When the police came for him, there she was in the car and she went down with him on an accessory charge. When asked to cooperate, she refused to snitch on her man. Where did that get her? A minimum of 10 years. The other lady, had a man who got caught up and went to jail on a drug charge, also. She didn't go down with him, but she waited on him. Years after he went to jail, she had his son, moved into a nice home and they are getting married next weekend. I guess her waiting paid off. In either circumstance, I don't think it could be me.

What about the soldier's wife? Thanks to Good Ol' George W. she has been alone since a month after her wedding in 2002. They don't have any kids. She loves him, but doesn't really know him anymore. She misses companionship. She refuses to get a "side dig" and still devotes her every minute to being a great wife. I really admire her. Yet again though, couldn't be me.

To me companionship is so important. I need to be able to love you, talk to you, touch you. See your face, hear your voice when I want. Maybe that's why me and long distance relationships never worked. More than love is needed with me.

So weigh in...how far would you go to stand by your man/woman? When is love not enough anymore? Could you hold it down through jail sentences? Tours of Duty? Waiting on him/her to leave his/her spouse? Have you ever stood by a person you loved even when you knew it was against your better judgment? Share...

A Fair Affair

2006-05-18T00:10:00.000-04:00

No matter what I do,
All I think about is you,
even when I'm with my boo,
Ya know I'm crazy over you

Uh-uh-uh-uh
I met this chick and she just moved right up the block from me
And(uh) she got the hots for me, the finest thing i'd ever seen
But oh, no, no, she's got a man and a son doh'ohh
But that's o.k. cause I, wait for my cue and just listen, play my position like
a short stop, pick up everything mommy hittin
And in no time, i'm gonna make this one mine
And that's for sure
Cause I, I've never been the type to break-up a happy home
But(uh) somethin' bout baby gurl, I just can't leave alone

- Nelly "Dilemma"

Well...it's Controversy Thursday" as I like to call it. We have to make up for yesterday. So...we all remember the topic "Confessions" from last month...I mean how could we ever forget the 105 postings! As I look back over those comments, I noted that about 75% of the confessions dealt with cheating on a boyfriend or a spouse. So today, I wanna talk about just that, cheating.

Webster's defines intransitive cheating as the following:

1 a : to practice fraud or trickery b : to violate rules dishonestly (as at cards or on an examination)
2 : to be sexually unfaithful -- usually used with on

I think these definitions, especially the second, are way to general. Is cheating just a sexual thing? I don't think so. I think there is physical cheating and then I think there is emotional cheating. Physical cheating is easy to determine. Holding hands with someone else, kissing someone else, having sex with someone else. In my opinion, all that is cheating. Some people believe that if there is no emotion involved, then its not cheating. Some people believe it is all about whether or not you hide it from you significant other.

Now emotional cheating. That is a whole different story. This is a gray area. I think if you fall in love with someone else, whether or not you express it to the "third" person, its cheating. Just because you are not giving your significant other your all. The early signs of emotional cheating are very subtle. You begin to think about this person more and more. You hide the fact that you converse with them from your significant other, whether it is verbal, email, instant message or text message. You begin to share things that go on in your life with that person before your significant even finds out. You can't wait to talk to them, you have anticipation for them.

Of course, this is all my opinion.

And then you have the "other" sex. Is cyber sex cheating? Is phone sex cheating? What about text sex? Swinging? Open relationships? Oral Sex? Ohhh, and what about prostitution? I heard someone say it was just an internal massage and you pay for a body massage....lol! There are so many "but" and "if" clauses.

So weigh in...when is it cheating? What is the minimum deception?

He Take my money

2006-05-17T10:04:00.000-04:00

My apologies. Today's blog topic was removed because someone was offended. We'll try again tomorrow.

Dem Rude Boys

2006-05-16T00:15:00.000-04:00

We like dem boys that be in them lac's leanin' (Leanin')
Open their mouth their grill gleamin' (Gleamin')
Candy paint, keep that whip clean and (Clean and)
(They always be talkin that country slang, we like)
They keep that beat that be in the back beatin' (Beatin')
Eyes be so low from that chief (chief and)
I love how he keep my body screamin' (Screamin')
A rude boy that's good to me, wit street credibility

If your status ain't hood
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he lookin' at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things
If you know what I mean
If your status ain't hood
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he looking at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Gotta know to get dough
And he betta be street

-Destiny's Child "Soldier"

Why do we love the bad boys? What is it about those street wise cats that we can't get enough of?

I have a friend, ya'll remember "Boomerang" right? Well he finally cut that silly chick out of his life and is trying to move on. So he went to the club this weekend and tried to get over her. But he ran into a roadblock. The first chick at the club dissed him. And she messed it up for him and his attitude for the rest of the night. He said he realized that all of the women in there were not trying to meet men. Just hanging out in their own little circles amongst their girls. Now he's a nice guy, pretty decent looking, has a job, and his own home. So he doesn't understand why he can't get no play.

My answer...us women are a little warped these days. Its really no secret that the dope boys are in, and that's just not him. I mean he used to be, but now? Nah. What is it about corn rows, tattoos, the red eyes (from that good stuff) and a no-nonsense attitude that we love? Its the Thug Appeal. Allen Iverson has it, T.I. has it, Ice Cube has it. No one thinks Kanye West and his prep style is sexy. We think he's gay as hell!

I think it is all about their confidence. They make decisions, if you don't like them..tough shit, deal with it. They know who they are and what they want. A woman likes that security. A protector. The sense of adventure is like no other. And that good thug loving...lets leave that one alone. Bad boys, rebels, do their own thing.

In all actuality, I couldn't end up with a guy like this though. We would fight like hell day and night. I'm too spoiled and stubborn, just like they are. Thank God, I ended you with a good guy who spoils me to death. But don't get me wrong, he can get a lil rowdy when he needs to!

Please help my boy out, again. Weigh in...why do you think women want the thugged out men? Are nice guys boring? Why do the nice guys finish last? Or do they?

I Ain't Mad at Ya

2006-05-15T00:48:00.000-04:00

Now we was once two niggaz of the same kind
Quick to holla at a hoochie with the same line
You was just a little smaller but you still roller
Got stretched to Y.A. and hit the hood swoll
Member when you had a jheri curl didn't quite learn
On the block, witcha glock, trippin off sherm
Collect calls to the till, sayin how ya changed
Oh you a Muslim now, no more dope game
Heard you might be comin home, just got bail
Wanna go to the Mosque, don't wanna chase tail
It seems I lost my little homie he's a changed man
Hit the pen and now no sinnin is the game plan
When I talk about money all you see is the struggle
When I tell you I'm livin large you tell me it's trouble
I ain't, mad, at cha (I ain't mad at cha)
I ain't, mad, at cha

- Tupac Shakur "I Ain't Made at Cha"

I was having drinks with a group of my very best friends Saturday night. It was me, Scorpia, Evilena, Lily, and $.25. We were celebrating Evilena's new home purchase. Lovely home by the way! So over the course of the night, as we sat around sipping wine and appletinis, we got into this discussion about morals and friendships. This conversation has been on my mind ever since.

So, let's talk about it. All of us that were present are Christians. Yeah, we are all in different places in our walk with the Lord. We all love the Lord and try to do the right things in life, even though, we all fall short. But its just not us, everyone falls short in the eyes of the Lord. So we were discussing, our morals as they pertain to our relationships with other people.

For example, lets say you have a friend that is gay. Most Christians believe that homosexuality is wrong; however, this is your friend. A loved one. Do you keep on being his/her friend and ignore their sexual preferences? Do you try to get them on the right track and explain that it is wrong? Or do you just walk away from the friendship because you don't want to condone the behavior? Not in God's eyes nor your peers. Or lets say you used to participate in a negative behavior, such as sniffing cocaine, but now you are clean and sober. What happens when your friend pulls it out in front of you and decides to get high himself? This is a situation where I would say definitely drop the friend. But sometimes its just not that easy. Can his behavior wrongly influence you? These are just a couple of examples. There are many more instances in our daily life.

This also works in the opposite direction. There have been people that found out things about me, and then because they no longer participated in the negative behaviors, they began to judge me. Say you were a smoker, you quit, and now you go around telling people how bad it is to smoke, and making them feel as if they are bad people just because they smoke. Even though your intentions may be good, you are still judging and making others feel as if they are beneath you.

My answer is to love everyone. Share with them your opinions. Do not hide your feelings or condone irresponsible behavior to save a friendship. Express yourself and discuss the issue. It is not on you whether or not they change, but at least you told them how you feel. The Lord knows your heart and that you had good intentions. The rest is up to them.

So weigh in...what do you do when you disagree with a friend or a loved one's personal decisions? Or have you ever had someone flip out on you because they had been "reformed" and you are still struggling with bad habits? How do you handle either of these situations?

Just My Imagination

2006-05-12T00:11:00.000-04:00

But it was just my imagination -- once again --
running away with me.
I tell you it was just my imagination
running away with me...

Every night, on my knees I pray,
"Dear Lord, hear my plea...
don't ever let another take her love from me
or I will surely die.."
Ooh, her love is heavenly;
when her arms enfold me,
I hear a tender rhapsody...
but in reality, she doesn't even know me
- The Temptations "Just My Imagination"

Boris, LL, Denzel...we all know them by their first names. They are like black man royalty to us women. Women dream of these men night after night, while these men go home to their wives. They get tons of fan mail, panties thrown at them, women constantly clawing at them and calling their names. Don't you ever wonder what its like to be their wives? The same thing goes for Halle, J-lo, and Beyonce. Men would give the world for a night with either of them.

Now I love LL. I am one of his biggest fans, but these days he is beginning to look a little old. I mean for God sakes, he has terrible crows feet. Botox baby, Botox. But with those sexy lips, he is still the man. But if I didn't have the best husband in the world, I would do my best to hook up with that other man of my dreams, Dwayne Johnson. Now I know what you're thinking. Who in the hell is Dwayne Johnson, his name sounds like Ray Ray's little cousin from the southside. But trust me, you know him...you just know him by a different name. Most people call him "The Rock".

"Can you smelllllll, what the Rock is cooking!" Hell yeah. I smell it, its called pure sexiness. He has attitude and charisma. He has "that" smile coupled with "those" abs. And most of all he is funny. And funny seals the deal. My whole life I have grown up watching wrestling and football. I am the only child of a man that is fanatical about both sports. So in Dwayne Johnson, I get the best of both worlds. An Ex-Miami Hurricane...who made a fortune with the then WWF. It doesn't get any better than that.

My runner-up...Vin Diesel. Yet again, "those" abs..."that" smile. And damn it, his voice! Have you seen Fast and Furious or XXX? He is bad as hell. If Vin is French for wine, I'm ready to get drunk. Of course I will never meet either guy. But sometimes its fun to pretend, right!

So weigh in...if you were not currently in a relationship, and you could have anyone in the whole world as your guy or girl, who would it be? Why would this person be your dream date?

Disclaimer
The confessions expressed on the blog are that of the individual telling his/her business. Nothing will be used against anyone at a later date, for argument purposes with a significant other. This is just a hypothetical question. I don't want to be breaking up no happy homes.I am tired of everyone posting anonymous...you guys know you can select "other" and put your name with your comments, right? lol...everyone can innocently post on this topic.

Power Ballin' for Sinners

2006-05-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

Money money money money, money
Some people got to have it
Some people really need it
Listen to me y'all, do things, do things, do bad things with it
You wanna do things, do things, do things, good things with it
Talk about cash money, money
Talk about cash money- dollar bills, yall
-O'Jays "For The Love of Money"

You know, I love writing this blog. Mostly because it helps me and other folk deal with issues we have going on in our lives. I get to ask everyone else what their opinions are, and I love the great responses. So here is tonight's dilemma. I love to gamble. The thrill of it sends me on a high. Las Vegas is one of my favorite cities on Earth. Roulette is my game. The roll of the ball. The chance of red or black, odd or even, or that one magic number. Nothing beats putting $20 on the table and walking away with $200 in less than ten minutes.

I'm from Virginia, the Commonwealth State, emphasis on wealth. We have had the lottery in Virginia for over ten years, and because of it we have great schools and smooth roads. When I turned 18, I bought a ticket for Mega Millions and a couple scratch offs. I never played again much after that while I lived there; however, since I have lived in North Carolina, I play the "big game", Mega Millions, everytime I go home. Now, scratch offs and Pick 3-4-5 are not my thing, the lottery is not my thing. I think its just the fact of knowing that I can't play in NC that makes me get a ticket everytime I go to VA. I have yet to play the NC Educational Lottery. I am not interested at all. I will be in line for my first ticket when I see the words "Power Ball" on the convenience store door. I am interested in the big money. The retirement funds. The "man, I didn't know I had so many cousins" money. The "kiss my ass I'm not coming back to work" money.

With that being said, I know gambling is wrong. It is frowned upon in the Baptist church. Although, the Catholics can get a game of bingo up with the quickness! I am a Christian woman, and I try to live my life as best as I can. We all know the walk with the Lord can be a trying one. Lottery winnings seem to be a torn issue in the church. What do you do if you should ever win big? We all know we are supposed to be paying 10% of our income in tithes. Some churches welcome the blessings the Lord has sent. Other churches refuse to accept "dirty" money. I have always wondered the same thing about money obtained illegally...drug money, stolen money. Hhhmmm

So weigh in...is it okay for us Christians to play the lottery as long as we play our 10% tithes? Is it a blessing from the Lord to win?

2 inches or a yard?

2006-05-10T00:02:00.000-04:00

2 inches or a yard rock hard or if it's saggin'
-TLC "Ain't 2 Proud Beg"

Bet your man won't do it like that
Can't work the middle 'cause his thing too little
- Diddy in Lil Kim's "No Time"

or do you remember this one...

Don't want no short dick man
Don't want no short dick man
Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man
What in the world is that thing?
Do you need some tweezers to put that thing away
Isn't that cute an extra belly button
You need to put your pants back on honey
Don't want no short dick man
Don't want no short dick man
- 20 Fingers "Short Dick Man"

This one is going out to all of my male readers. Once a week I like to pick a topic that the males really wanna know about and that the females are not afraid to discuss. So today we concentrate on that age old question. Does size really matter? And you all know what size I'm speaking of...penis, peter, dick, lil man, one-eyed monster, conan, willie, johnson...whatever you want to call it. Quality versus Quantity. Which means more?

Now in my opinion. Size is not an issue. I care more about his rhythm. The best sex I ever had was with a guy that has an average dick. Nothing spectacular, just the basic plumbing. It was all about the movements. It was about him taking the time to know my body, to know what I like and work from there. A man does not have to be incredibly large down there to find a g-spot. Personally I don't want 12 inches, that shit would hurt! Don't you think? And I would be even more pissed if he all that to work with and had no rhythm. I don't want no man doing the "Carlton Dance" inside of me, lol. All off-beat and uncoordinated.

At the same time, no woman wants a man she can't feel at all. Here are some indications that you are too little and should consider medical enhancements...

1) If she says "go ahead, put it in" and you have been in it for a while...
2) She giggles when she sees it...
3) If the condom is baggy...
4) If you are constantly telling women "man it's cold in here"...
5) If a woman has every nicknamed you Tiny, Pinky, Pee Wee, or my all time favorite, Baby Nuts...

Here is some insight for you guys...no woman is going to think she is too loose, just that you are too small. Trust me on this one. Now you may know she has been around, and she may know it too, but she is always gonna think you are not working with much. Don't take it personally. I have never understood why men waste so much time worrying about their size. Why do they secretly peep out the competition in the bathroom or locker room? We don't compare boob size, if anything...I tell folks they are smaller than they really are.

So weigh in...does size really matter to you? Length or girth? Why are men so self conscious about the size of their dicks? Men, please help us understand. Does size measure how much of a "stud" you are? I know everyone has an opinion on this topic, male and female, so I wanna hear from you!

Lipstick Traces...

2006-05-09T00:05:00.000-04:00

Maxine was 5'9", had a man she didn't mind
Walked up to me nice and slow
What she wanted I did not know
Gave me her pager number and said call her anytime
Then she whispered in my ear, she said

My body wants you so
For what I miss at home
Nobody has to know
Keep it on the down low

-Brian McKnight "On the Down Low"

A friend of mine is a gay man. He dates a man that has a girlfriend and a baby mama. Neither women know that this man is seeing my gay friend on the side. They are too busy fighting each other. I mean they go to each others' jobs and fight, fight at the mall, fight at the kid's school, all the while my friend is the one really seeing this guy hot and heavy. He is a down-low brother. He is what my friend calls "trade". A man who doesn't think they are gay, continues to date women, while sexing other men like crazy, but only as the giver, never as the receiver. A very masculine "top". Trade.

Over the past few years, we have all heard stories of the down-low brother. The author J.L. King has made this term a household word with his book "On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of "Straight" Black Men Who Sleep with Men". He has been on Oprah, Larry King, and Dateline discussing his down-low life. While we watched and gasped in shock, I think we were missing something else brewing on the back burner. We completely missed the movement of down-low sistas. Yeah, the women, the ladies, the sistas.

Now once upon a time, you would only see two woman together in pornographic movies or magazines. Two "Barbie-Doll" lesbians put together to excite men. Nine times out of ten, in real life these women were just as straight as you and I. It seems all men want to see women kissing and fondling each other, it turns them on. The beginning of a threesome, I guess that's why it is tantalizing to them. Bottom line, it sells an image. Kinky sex sells and men would buy it up.

So why is it now that more women are turning to other women for sexual pleasure? Not only that, but why is it the "straight" women? I think the term for it is the "unexpected lesbian". Have you noticed the increase in "bi" women? I think most of these women are really on the down low, but want to still be associated with men in some way. Maybe they want children, but not the husband. Instead of breaking the mold, they marry these men, all while secretly desiring women in their lives. Their friends, their coworkers, or their church members. These women are mothers, wives, girlfriends, sorority sisters, mentors, you name it. They are finding time to dip out of their normal lives to find the passion they really want. Sounds weird to us huh? Well let's all remember, we don't judge around here.

Someone told me that you have never had an experience unless you have had oral stimulation from another woman, that there is nothing like it. Well, I'll take her word for it, because I'm gonna have to pass. I have been hit on by several women in my time. And although very flattering, I keeps it strictly dickly. My motto is "if you can't stick it, after you lick it, forget it". I love men, of all kinds. Personally, I can't see what two women can do for each other, but that's just me. My thing is men, I love them.

No matter what you prefer, I think you should be true to you. Do you, live for you. If you wanna be a Vito, be the best Vito you can be! (A little Sopranos joke for all you Sop heads)

So weigh in...do you think these down low women exist? Have you ever had a down low encounter? If so, how was it for you? What are these people so ashamed of?

Get Your Broom Ready!

2006-05-08T00:14:00.000-04:00

Your always on the telephone puttin down on someone else
You need to take a little time, stop, look in the mirror and
check your self. We all have sins that come short from Gods
glory today, So we don't have time to spread hearsay

Sweep around your own front door before you try to sweep around mine
Sweep around your own front door before you try to sweep around mine

Put love in your heart where there is hate, you need to clean it up
I wouldn't let it be said I waited to late, clean it up, stop going around
talking about your friends, Don't you know that that's a sin
How can you critize some one else when you are doing wrong yourself.
Be careful how you through stones, because it might break up somebody's
home

- The Williams Brother "Sweep Around Your Own Front Door"

Well, well, well. I think its about time to tell some folks just what I think about them. I tried to be nice, but you know what, that approach didn't work. So looky here, let me break some shit down for you. As many of you know, I have a side business. I do in-home Passion Parties. Basically its an in-home party where I sell things to enhance "intimacy". Whether its massage oils, body wash, lingerie, or adult toys...I sell it. Now since I've started, I've had a few people act really funny towards me, like what I am doing is disgusting and disgraceful. Even though what I'm doing is mostly educational, and I'm helping alot of marriages out. So let me put it out here plainly for the haters...

1) I like what I do.
2) You don't pay my bills.
3) Maybe you would have a man if you came to one of my parties.
4) Maybe your man would be a little more into you if you spiced it up some.
5) Maybe he would get out of my other girls' faces.
6) Don't you have anything better to do than talk shit about my behind my back?
7) If you gonna talk, make sure you talk to someone who is not gonna come back and tell me.
8) Ooops, you forgot about her huh? We been friends a long time!
9) Neither Joyce, Sam, nor Ali have an issue with it...so I really don't give a rats ass what you think.
10) Go ahead and hate me...I'm loving this! Jealousy is just another form of flattery!

I used to be the person who cared about every little thing that people said. I used to be the person who lived her life to everyone else's standards. I used to inhibit myself because I thought if people knew the real me, they wouldn't like me anymore. I thought they would talk about me behind my back. Well guess what, people are going to do it anyway. But here is the thing, we all have skeletons, but most of these folks, who are always ready judge the next person, have graveyards in their closets. Have you ever noticed that?

I think people feel comfortable talking to me so much because I try not to judge. I tend to be the resident Dear Abby of all my friends. It takes so much for anyone or anything to shock me. I have seen it all, heard it all, lived it all. I have done so much wrong in my life, I can never ever ever throw stones at anyone else. God is our only judge, not Mrs. "So and So", not Deacon Blah Blah, not Dr. Waa Waa, not Mz Cane.

Lets see what else can I help all of you with that are whispering? Yeah, I was a month pregnant before I was married, we all know you can add. Yeah, I used to party hard with Mary Jane. Yeah, we can afford the house, we work hard. Yeah, I have friends that are gay, bi, weedheads, and gold-diggers! But not one of you better ever say anything bad about any of them, if you do, you better hope it doesn't get back to me! And most of all, yes, I do LOVE the Lord with all my heart.

So here is the thing, if you feeling funny right now, then I'm probably talking about you. Sweetie, you are not perfect. Sorry to inform you, but I think you should know now, before someone really hurts your feelings.

Damn that felt good! So lets weigh in...do you know about anyone who has talked smack about you? What about that has judged you with the quickness? Would you like to tell them a thing or two? Go ahead...let them have it! Tell them what you think...right here, right now.

Put it on Me...

2006-05-05T01:36:00.000-04:00

You don't know
What you do to me
Let me tell ya
How ya make me feel
I need yo lovin'
It's so good to me
I can't even sleep
Boy, you got me weak
My heart is on fire since you put that thang on me, ooh
You put that thang on me, that thang, baby

I just can't understand, I can't understand
You got me lookin' so crazy, baby
You got me lookin' so crazy right now
Make me wanna clap my hands
Make me wanna stomp my feet
Make me feel real, real good
When you put that thang on me
Let me tell you now

-- Faith Evans "Mesmerized"

So I was at dinner with the girls; The Card Player, Ms. Cabo Wabo, Anne Frank, The Dog's fiancee and Scrunchy. So Scrunchy takes two bites of her food and says "I need a to-go box, Check Please". We were like damn...where you going, we just got here. She proceeded to tell us that she had some "stuff" waiting on her. Stuff that was so good she said it made her insides "scrunch". Stuff so good it felt like her insides were pushed and moved all around...in a good way. I am saying, this chick didn't even eat her food, in anticipation of this body scrunching stuff! So I sat there and thought to myself "Damn, is there any D worth missing a meal? D good enough to set my liquor down? D good enough to make me walk out on the girls?"

Hhhmmm... Well, I must say,there is one...one D I would do all that for. According to Dictionary.com, one of the definitions of whipped is "To conquer; to defeat, as in a contest or game; to beat; to surpass." I will admit, I have been beat at the game. He has surpassed me, he definitely has whip appeal. Why you ask? Well, its everything. He's sexy, he's smart. His smile, his pretty brown eyes...even the tattoo on his arm, all are factors in him having me just where he wants me. In order to be whipped, the other person has to know what you like, where you like it, how you like it, when you like it. This is not as easy as it seems. However, he has had much practice "learning" me. I thank him for paying attention to my needs. I thank him for making note of what I like. I thank him for turning me out.

What exactly did he do? What was the signature move that got me hooked? lol...he kissed me. Slowly, passionately, with so much emotion. He took me to another place all with a single kiss. He holds my hand, he wraps his arm around me when I sleep (gotta love the spooning), and did I mention that kiss! He touches the side of my face when we kiss! That is the sexiest damn thing. A man who can express how he feels without saying one word. I'm hooked.

Since I know just how much you all like to tell your business, lets talk about it. Have you ever been turned you out? How did he/she put it on you? We might learn some stuff from each other! lol...Is it a signature move that he/she does? Or is it just who they are?

Disclaimer
The confessions expressed on the blog are that of the individual telling his/her business. We will not try to figure out who you are or try to determine if you are as crazy as you seem.

Put it on My Tab...

2006-05-04T06:54:00.000-04:00

But I ain't even gon act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I'd do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it

-Kanye West "All Falls Down"

Ok, so lets start today with a poll. How many of us have credit card debt in the thousands and have no earthly idea what in the hell we bought over the years that cost so much? Me! *I am raising my hand.* Why in the world do we insist on going into debt, voluntarily? Black folks especially have a problem with spending (And maybe you do too Kelisha..because you have "colored tendencies"). We are obsessed with the bling. Obsessed with keeping up with the Jonses (yes, Peggy and Phil)!

When I was in high school, I worked at FootLocker for three years. I could always tell when it was the first of the month, because business would double. It would be young black mothers and fathers in there spending up there checks to get their four month old a pair of $60 Jordans to match the ones they had just paid $170 for. When I became a mother and noticed how fast children grew out of clothes, I just could not justify spending a lot on a child's shoes or clothing. Now, don't get me wrong, my children still dress cute, but Target's clothes are just as cute Baby Gap.

We will spend spend spend to maintain an image we can't really support. Why? Most of us want will take our money and buy luxury cars or big ass houses, but won't invest a dollar in our children's education or in our own futures. We will ride around in the hottest cars, rocking the hottest clothes, wearing the flyest jewelry, and go into an apartment, with no lights and no food in the refrigerator. We throw away money for years renting homes instead of taking the time to buy a home. Houses are investments. They help on your taxes. Its ok to get house and not have any furniture, you will make a return on the house...not what's in it.

Its a damn shame that Colortyme and other rent-to-own places are mostly located in our neighborhoods. They make a killing on paying discount rates on items and renting them to us for four times what they paid plus interest. You can rent to own rims now...rims! Rent to own engagement rings, don't start your wedding out in debt. Have you also noticed where are the "Check-n-Go"s are? Uh huh, beside Aaron Rents...

Its not really our fault. Most of us a second and third generation wasters. I have learned the hard way, but nevertheless I have learned. Here is a secret, any of us can afford anything we want if we save. I refuse to run my debt up, for something I don't need immediately, you know food, water, or shelter... Clothes, cars, liquor, jewelry. We will pary every weekend, and wake up in our mama's basement and let her cook us some breakfast. Selling ourselves short for an image. Have you seen how Bill Gates dresses? lol..he is the richest man in the world.

So weigh in...what do you think? To buy or not to buy..on credit that is. Are you guilt of this? I know I am! What advice do you have?

Techno Pimpin'

2006-05-03T00:01:00.000-04:00

I'm comin straight up outta that chatroom, and live from the message board
I'm at the crib all by myself, chattin online when I'm bored
Oh my Lord, BlackPlanet got all the {hoes} and all the freaks
I'll get your page and send a note, then hit me back when it's time to creep
...
Hit me up on that AOL, Instant Messenger what it do
My DSL is fast as lightning on the hunt for this mooshu
You got some partners that's just like you? Call your crew and I'll call mine too
Just take a look at my hit count, this internet pimpin thang ain't new

- Paul Wall "Internet Going Nutz"

In this age of technology, it is possible to do everything over the internet. You can shop, bank, trade stocks, play games, and research just about anything. But the most fascinating thing you can do online is date. Ten years ago, who would have thought that you would be able to meet, flirt, and date people online without having to ever meet them face to face. More and more websites catering to the online dating community are popping up everyday. E-Harmony, Match.com, Webdate... And then there are those websites that cater to "hook-ups" even though they claim to be communities for all activity. MySpace, BlackPlanet, Facebook...

I must admit, at one time I was on BlackPlanet, chatting it up and having a ball. I had a plethora of friends that I could talk to day or night. Alot of folks on BP were there for something other than "casual friendships" so I had to part ways. Now not everybody was a low-life, I met a few folks on BP that I am still friends with to this day. Shout out to those of you reading this blog... I like to call them my "Sports Boys" because that's how it all began, chit chatting about football in October 2004.

Enough about me...lets talk about this internet dating thing. My guess is the relationship goes something like this. You see the profile online, obviously you see something that interests you. So you send a quick hello to the screenname they have listed. They chat back. And so back and forth you go, flirting vicariously. So you stop sending "notes" on the dating site, and you invite them into the world of instant messaging. Pretty soon you talk whenever you both are online, then that's not enough so you exchange numbers. Now here is where the tricky part comes, after you talk on the phone...do you chance meeting face to face? Hhhhmmm...

This is where things have the potential to get a little sticky, but where you get to find out the person's true intentions. Either they are really into you and they want to take it to the next level or they may like you but the next level depends on what you look like or they just wanted to bone you from jump. Its all game of chance. In Paul Wall's song "Internet Going Nutz" he says

"She e-mailed me this old picture before she had her baby boy
I was ready to pay her a visit, she used to look like Ke-Toi
But, one too many Almond Joys, I went and seen this girl in person
But when that big {chick} opened the door I damn near started cryin and cursin"

lol...Has that ever happened to any of you? How do you know they didn't send you someone else's picture or an old old picture? The funny part is that after he meets the girl and she's not what she seems he says

"What the hell, the first minute I got in range of the nearest Dell
I changed my screenname and my number, this internet pimpin still prevails"

Techno pimpin' at its finest...

How do you know they are not stalkers? Everyone you meet online is not who they claim to be, its dangerous game to play at times.

Ok, weigh in...do you believe in internet dating and its endless opportunities? If so, when is the right time to chance a face to face. Or is internet dating just a quicker way to pick up "booty calls"? I know several of you have met folks online, share your fairy tales or your terrors with us! And yeah, if u have a "booty call" story about that one night when you met a stranger, post anonymously!

*Please Note - The term "Techno Pimpin' " is copyrighted material that I took from my very very best internet friend, so don't go stealing his shit...*

Sweet Sweet Mary Jane...

2006-05-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

Damn Ma,
I love you like the lah, the ganja
Sensimilla, can I feel ya
All I wanna do is touch ya
The ultimate rush, you're drugs baby

- Notorious B.I.G.

My parents raised a good girl. Good grades, good citizen. Never got into fights, never showed out in class, respected my elders, and never ever used drugs. We were a clean cut middle class family. I admit, I was a poster child for D.A.R.E (Drug Abuse Resistance Education, yeah I know what it stands for!) when I was in high school. Then came college. I took a firm stand against drug abuse, even though I could smell it walking to class everyday, at sporting events, concerts, and in my dorm. I thought the drug kids were no good flunkies that would never amount to shit!

So there was this guy I liked. He was perfect. He was cool, he was sexy, he was fine..all that, then I found out he smoked weed. What a freaking waste...of course the inevitable happened. One night before a basketball he said, "C'mon Candee, just try it this once". Me and my best friend, sitting in a sweet pickles van taking a puff for the first time! (Do you remember that CEB?) After that I just did it every now and then, it didn't do much for me so I kept my distance. I graduated, moved to Raleigh and started my very mature "grown up" life. While all the junkies were still acting like children to me. Then someone else very special to me gave me some of that good marijuana..man..damn..why did he do that! I had graduated from college, landed a great job (that didn't drug test)..and I was loving the lah! Then its like I justified doing it! Just like they taught me not to do in DARE. Everyone else was..why shouldn't I. It was healthier than cigarettes!

My eyes were open to everything. I smelled it more, saw it more, knew the different types, and realized every rap song was talking about it! Jay-Z said "I'm feelin it through the high that you get from the lye. Feelin it if you feel it raise your l in the sky." Dr. Dre had a whole album called the Chronic. It did so well there was a Part II! And Big Boi and his cohorts are still talking about being on that Kryptonite. Now anyone who knows me, knows I love some Rick James..and Rick wrote a whole song about it..."I'm in love with Mary Jane. She's my main thing." Then there was De'Aneglo. I thought the song Brown Sugar was about a girl he was into! The whole song was about smoking weed! Whoa..blew my mind. Check it out here.

Now that I am a mom and a career woman, I can't do that like I used to. But don't get it twisted, if corporate America was not peeping over its shoulder for every little thing, I would puff at least once a week when the kids were gone and have a nice stiff drink to chase the smoke down. Whether you like purp, kush, haze, skunk, dro, or thai. Whether you call it hash, weed, chronic, Mary Jane, puff, or cannabis. Whether you like joints or blunts or bong...Drugs baby..the ultimate rush..

Now I know, its bad and I know I am sending the wrong message, but hopefully no youth read my blog. But you all are adults who make their own choices without peer pressure I hope. Its so natural, from the Earth...like vodka (which is made from grain or potatoes if you didn't know)! Think of how much the deficit would improve if they taxed it! So weigh in on this...is marijuana bad? If not, should it be legalized?

Who The Hell Knows....

2006-05-01T00:19:00.000-04:00

So its Sunday night and I am sooooo drunk typing this. I am typing intoxicated and I have no idea what the hell my subject is going to be, but whatever it is..I hope I don't say too much! If I remember correctly, I had 2 shots of Patron, 1 shot of Jose Cuervo, 2 seven and sevens and an Singapore Sling. Tomorrow I have to go to work, no more maternity leave. I thought I would go out with a bang. Thanks "wives club". Shout out...Ya'll are the best! We went out tonight...yeah I went to church this morning, so it balances out. We just went to the all male revue at Thee Dollhouse. Wow...if I wasn't married...

So I watched tons of women throw tons of money at men tonight. Black men, white men,and best of all this Puerto Rican poppy named Ecstasy...I saw more money flying in there than I could ever imagine. What makes men and women give up their hard earned money for a few minutes of pleasure? Now I know you are wondering why I was there in the first place...well... I have just stared a "side hustle". I am now a Passion Party consultant(shoot me an email or call me to setup a party!!!). I deal in massage oils, edible gels, toys, lingerie, books..fun stuff! So I figured, for bachelorette party purposes....maybe I should get to know some strippers. Might be good for business. Ok, and the fact that I just wanted to go! So I went to this all male revue and got as many numbers as I could... Thanks "A" for being my lead in!

So as I sat there watching "Ecstasy", who was a fine specimen of Puerto Rican man, age 24, height around 6', weight around 175, six pack included, black baseball cap with black windsuit pants on over some tiny black boxer briefs...but who was really paying attention. He was bad as hell. I wondered what it would be like to be his girl. I wondered if he had a girl. And if he did, how does she feel knowing all these women were touching all over her man. Paying him to grind his hips into them for just a minute or two. Um um um. If he was mine, I don't think I would want anyone falling all out over him, I would ended it...quick. I'm greedy and very jealous, I would not share. Not for anything!

These brings me to our discussion points for the day. Could you be in a committed relationship with a stripper? Have you ever tried? Could you deal with your man or your woman being desired and touched all over night after night?

By the way...none of these dudes could ever mess with my hubby...he's the baddest of all. :) I see ya, Sideways.

What's Your Passion?

2006-04-28T07:39:00.000-04:00

As I sit here on my last day of maternity leave, I'm finding more and more that I'm actually a little nervous to go back to work. I'm not nervous about leaving my babies, we found a great in-home provider. I am feeling more nervous about being an accountant again. Its been months since I worked, and I am wondering if can I still do the job. I hate accounting...never been CPA material; therefore, I don't really give it my all. Its pays well. I must admit, its not my true passion.

I realized this so long ago. The end of my junior year is when it all began, I hated my classes. But I had such great internships I stuck with it. After my sophomore year, I interned in Phoenix, Arizona. It was exciting to be across the country on my own, living in a beautiful condo that someone else paid for. However, let me tell you, Phoenix is no place for black folk! I got all dark, my hair was all dry and turned red...I was ugly and ashy! The summer after I was an intern at a Big 5 firm...yeah the one that went down with Enron..in Washington DC. I had a ball. Auditing took me to Seattle, Washington and Los Angeles, California all summer. Since graduation, I've traveled all over the country with my job, and I love to travel. However, now I'm a mommy and a wife it tends to be a little less exciting, I missed my family terribly.

If I had to do it over again, I would be an English professor or go into journalism. I love reading and I enjoy writing. I love the classics. From the great black authors of the Harlem Renaissance to F. Scott Fitzgerald to Zane to Hillary Clinton, I love books. All kinda of books. If I was to write columns for a living, obviously editorials would be my choice. I'm full of opinions!

I admire those people who get paid to do what they love. I also admire those folks that are good at what they do. What's your true passion? If you could do it all again, what would your dream job be?

That's What Friends Are For?

2006-04-26T22:30:00.000-04:00

Thicker than blood, wherever there was me there was you
My all was your all, but that wasn't enough for you
You had to see and tried to walk a mile in my shoes
In my head, in my bed
Betrayed by my best friend

-Kelly Price "Friend of Mine"

We've been best friends for over ten years. We go everywhere together. We discuss our most intimate secrets. We call each other five times a day. She has outlast all of my boyfriends. She helped me get through the hard times and she has shared in my good times. I know she would help me with anything, at anytime, anywhere...she is my very best friend. Or at least I thought she was until she stole my bank card...

You all know how I feel about my friends. Good ones are a hard commodity to come by. Friendships have to be a perfect fit, like a thong...you want one that supports you, but that's not all up your ass. Once someone does something to ruin a perfectly good friendship it is hard to salvage. You expect ordinary joes to screw you over, but a friend? That's just not right. That's just plain old mean.

Now, I'm not saying that I have always been the best friend. Not by a long shot. I have done some low down dirty stuff myself, but at least I can admit I was wrong and learn from my mistakes. And boy...some of the things I have done are harsh! And I'm gonna tell you all about them...anonymously. I'm no fool!

So, since we love to confess our dirty secrets on this blog, lets talk about friends. What is the most scandalous thing you have ever done to a friend? Do they know? Or maybe a friend screwed you over, what did they do to you? Are you still friends?

Just as before...
Disclaimer
The confessions expressed on the blog are that of the individual telling his/her business. Nothing will be used against anyone at a later date...for criminal or blackmail purposes. No grudges will be held. We promise not to be judgemental.

The Stella Syndrome

2006-04-26T08:40:00.000-04:00

I knew you where so young
you were just a love thing and I
I just let you get a taste of my love
I let my guard down
it was only supposed to be one time oh but now we find our selves
doing it over and over and over
cause what we have is only physical
I gotta give you time to let you grow

-Faith Evans "Catching Feelings"

We have all seen the movie, some of us have even read the book, so we all know just how Stella got her groove back. Stella found her a sexy young thing to spend her long days and hot nights with. He whisked her away from all the troubles of her day to day life and loved her like she couldn't believe. This was something new to us. We were used to seeing men with women half their age, I call this the "trophy wife" syndrome? But a woman, with a boy toy? Hhhmmmm. Now it seems like it is becoming more and more common.

I can honestly admit that I have never had a serious relationship with a man that was older than me. My husband is eight months younger and all of my serious boyfriends have been younger. Not much younger, but nevertheless younger. I didn't go searching for a junior, it just happened that way. I guess I have a young spirit. I am a hiccup from 30 years old...I don't listen to jazz, I love hip-hop. I don't wanna go to see the gospel play or to the ballet, take me to a concert and let me scream. I don't wanna play bridge, I'd rather play laser tag or race go-karts. I like tattoos, I like bling. And no...missionary is not my favorite position.

What is it about a younger man that women love? Their energy? Their openness to new things? The ability to "train" them? Ok, so a couple times I got "trained"(and I loved every minute of it. That oooo weeee!!!). Is it that they keep up with the latest trends, whether its music or fashion? What is it about an older woman that some men love? The experience? Maturity? I would love to hear from the men who read this.

In my experiences, I will tell you what I don't like about dating younger men. It has to be their tempers...wooo wheeee. Nothing like a young hot head. They can come with fire, and boy does that burn! In some cases, I have been told that younger men are also a little more jealous and insecure. I've never experienced this myself, but I have heard some nightmare stories about that "crazy..deranged" younger man.

Honestly, I think more women would date younger men if they were not worried about what "society" would say. Family, friends, co-workers. We tend to live more for what people think than for what we want. Crazy huh? But its true.

I got several requests to talk about this topic, so lets give these folks our opinions. Women, could you be in a relationship with a younger man? If so, how much younger? Men, could you fall for an older woman? If so, how much older? What do you prefer and why? Lets discuss this.

Just a Friend?

2006-04-24T00:01:00.000-04:00

I see he's hurt you again,
When you're in pain I'm in pain
That's part of bein' a friend.
But this is a special case.
I held my feelings back because of him
And now I can see more than ever
I made a big, big, big mistake.

-Shai "Comforter"

So you have a friend that you tell your inner most secrets. That person has laughed with you and cried with you. That person has seen you act childish and like a responsible adult. You can call that person any hour of the day, and they will stop what they are doing and talk to you. You are important to them, they would never hurt you. They give you the absolute best advice, despite how they feel about your personal decisions. This friend is also of the opposite sex.

Friendships like these are special. Many people believe that men and women can't be close friends on a platonic level. I happen to disagree. To me there is nothing like getting the male point of view when I need it. I only trust those close to me; therefore, I need a man in my inner most circle. However, sometimes this can lead to other places one may have never imagined.

The issue begins when this person begins to be your "comforter",the person you lean on for emotional support when everyone else lets you down, especially when your significant other is acting up. Or maybe you can't find a significant other because you begin comparing everyone else you meet to this special friend. Wondering why they can't act like "so and so" or treat you like "so and so". I have been on both sides of the equation. I have been both the person in love with my close friend and the person that my close friend was in love with. Ironically it was the same person, just at different points in our lives.

*Please Note - I have also had one of my husband's deranged friends cross the friendship line. I almost whipped a b**ch's azz for calling my damn house in the middle of the night, thinking she was "slick". Crazy heifer..turned damn right obsessive over my man, because hers was a putz. Step to him again and see if I don't twist your cap back. IBM will stand for "In a B**ch's Mouth" which is where my knee will be. Can you feel me?*

Ok, sorry, I kinda got off base there...

These are all very fragile situations, because they can destroy the friendship and leave somebody cold and bitter. So here are my questions for you. First can men and women be friends on a platonic level? Secondly, have you ever fell for a friend? Is there someone you wish you were more than friends with at some point in your life?

Living With Regrets

2006-04-21T01:14:00.000-04:00

So after such an incredible two days of posting, the task at hand is to try and end the week off with yet another exciting topic. How impossible is that? Talk about pressure. Thanks to a great friend of mine, yeah its you, we can try it again...

This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
On the, rise to the top, many drop, don't forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
And through our travels we get separated, never forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets

- Jay Z "Regrets"

Webster's defines regret as "To be very sorry for".

Now that we have all confessed to our wrongdoings (no I'm not judging) lets talk about the things we regret. Yesterday, not many people said anything about regretting what they had done, maybe you don't, and that's cool too. But everyone has something that they regret. Things on a large and small scale. Whether it is not sitting out something for dinner, or sleeping with so and so, or lying about such and such. Whatever...

I'll start off...on the small scale of course,
I regret majoring in accounting. It bores the hell out of me.
I regret getting my first credit card in college. Now I have stock in MBNA.

You have to check back for the big stuff I regret, I'll be one of the ones labeled "ANONYMOUS" :)

Ok, so to end the week off big, lets talk about what we have regretted doing in our lives. I'll leave it up to you whether or not you want to be anonymous. Most of ya'll freaks from yesterday know you need to be the first ones on here posting! Not judging of course...but it wouldn't be any fun if we were not all in your business!

Thanks for the Confessions!

2006-04-21T01:00:00.000-04:00

As we reach a milestone with the "This is my Confession..." blog, I think it is time to officially move on. 100 comments! Wow, you sick sick folks...lol. Thanks for all the open, very very open, discussion. You know there is no way in the world that we can top that discussion. I should just shut the blog down now, because it has to be all down hill from here.

This Is My Confession...

2006-04-18T23:31:00.000-04:00

So yesterday someone told me that he did not enjoy my topic, I guess it was not controversial enough :( That's ok, he always gives me the truth, straight no chaser...I like that. Plus he knows, my middle name is drama and I can always create some! Might I add, I don't try to be controversial, I just write what is on my mind at the time. However; today we will try to stir it up a little. Now in order to do this, its going to take everyone's participation and an open mind...

Psychotherapy is a general term for a way of treating mental and emotional disorders by talking about your condition. Through these talking sessions, you identify the cause of the condition and try to address it. It is very similar to what the Catholic Church calls "confession"; however, in psychotherapy the airing of dirty laundry is to get it off your chest. A freeing of one's emotions, not necessarily a repentance.

Now that you know the background, lets talk...me and you. During my experiences, I have often found that when I am open and honest, I usually feel better. Emphasis on "usually". Whether good or bad, I usually feel better after I have confessed. Maybe for the simple fact that you don't have to hide behind a facade. I call this "mentally exhaling". Carrying around all that stress can bring you down. Now don't get me wrong, I don't tell everything, some things are meant for me, Jose Cuervo, and the Lord. Amen!

Now there are a million secrets I could tell you. I'm a complex girl. However, I think I will table them until I post anonymously later. For some reason, I feel like I am asking for trouble, but have you ever had a secret that nobody knew? A secret that you were ashamed to tell because you were worried how judgmental people would be towards you. Is there anything you ever wanted to tell but never had the courage to?

It can be anything, small or big. Have you stolen something? Had a crush on someone? Lied and said you were still a virgin? Do you have any crazy addictions? Still wet the bed? Part-time stripper? You don't really like someone. You don't really like you...Anything!!!

Well here is your assignment, I want you to confess. Tell us the secret you never wanted anyone to know; however, DO NOT use your name! It is so important for this to be anonymous. Either that or make up a name. And please, don't leave any clues, i.e."man I hate my job, IBM sucks" or "slept with my girl's man, Roger". Keep it ANONYMOUS. We don't wanna break up no happy homes, friendships, or get anyone fired!

Disclaimer
The confessions expressed on the blog are that of the individual telling his/her business. Nothing will be used against anyone at a later date...for criminal or blackmail purposes. No grudges will be held.

20 Questions from The Edge

2006-04-18T08:13:00.000-04:00

Being a stay at home mom, for the time being, I get to sit around and think all day long. I have found myself questioning the craziest stuff. I thought for today, I would take a blog break and share a few of those great life questions with you.

1) Why don't women like sports more? Football and baseball have men in tight pants, basketball has men in shorts. Gotta love pretty legs.

2) Why do more grown people use baby oil than babies do?

3) Why do strippers always start their shows out in prom dresses?

4) Why do I love rap music so much when they call women either broads, chicks, or bitches?

5) Who has worse luck with men? Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez or Tyra Banks?

6) There are fifty thousand different types of condoms, do they feel any different to you? And don't the ones that say "ribbed for her pleasure" make you laugh.

7) Deion Sanders looks like a monkey, but not the same kind of monkey as Patrick Ewing. Is one more ape vs gorilla?

8) Rappers tend to emulate negative figures from history. For example, dictator Manual Noriega spawned Norega. NY crime bosses Frank White and John Gotti became Biggie (who commonly refers to himself as Frank White) and Irv Gotti. Why has no one become Osama or Bin Laden? Or even better, why is no one named themselves W. or George Bush?

9) Does anyone really care whether or not Barry Bonds used steroids? Wouldn't you like to know if he wears panties and a bra regulary instead? He has tendencies to me...Have you heard how high his voice is? hhhmmmmm

10) Why is American Idol so whack this year? Three people from NC and none that look like Fantasia.

11) Don't you wanna fight Jade on America's Next Top Model?

12) What will Lil' Kim look like after a year without make-up and weaves?

13) Are little white lies ok?

14) If you can sit on the corner all day and beg for money, wouldn't you rather sit in the unemployment office? Its cooler/warmer in there.

15) How can a baby's poo smell so bad? Its just milk!

16) Who is more "ethnic" Mariah Carey or Tiger Woods?

17) Does any woman think fronts are sexy?

18) Do men fake orgasms? No woman ever really checks the condom.

19) Why are no flavored massage gels "vagina friendly"? But you can put them anywhere else! Specifically on male gentiles.

20) What is crazy?

Who knows maybe a few of these could be potential topics down the road. Let me know if you can answer any of these for me. What are some of the things you have pondered? What questions about life do you have? Please share with me so I don't feel that crazy...

Who's Friend Are You Anyway?

2006-04-17T14:41:00.000-04:00

Me and a girlfriend were having lunch this weekend. We were talking about another friend of ours, and her marriage. A marriage with indiscretion on both sides, but neither the husband or the wife know. That lead us to a discussion about another person my friend knew. She knows a minister who is friends with this married couple. The husband cheated on his wife because she wouldn't do certain things in bed, that was his excuse. He asked her time and time again, but to no avail. Now, he felt just awful about this, so he decided to confide in the minister for guidance, his friend, but who happened to be a closer friend of his wife. This put the minister in an awkward place. She can't tell the wife, because of the confidentiality of her ministry. But that's her girl!

I have a a lot of friends that confide and me. I guess I am a good listener and I'm not very judgmental, so people tend to open up to me. (Don't worry, the secrets are safe with me.) I know a lot of dirt, which sometimes puts me in awkward situations when I know both parties well. Whether it is husband and wife drama, friends, family, I have heard it all. When you know dirt like this, which side do you pledge your loyalty to? The better friend? The closer relative? If you knew your home girl was being cheated on,would you tell her? If your boy's girl was sleeping around would you let him know? What if you were friends with a married couple and one of them confided in you about infidelity, would you tell? Could you face the other? If a family member was terminally ill and didn't want anyone to know, would you tell her parents? What are the rules for disclosure?

This very thing has ruined friendships. If your friend found something out later, and then found out you knew and didn't tell her/him...drama. If someone confides in you, and you tell his/her business...drama. In both situations you may feel like you are making the right choice.

Short and sweet today. When you are caught in the middle, where does your loyalty lie?

The Insatiable Ohh Wee

2006-04-15T12:08:00.000-04:00

It sadens me to say that Mz Cane has requested the weekends off. To carry you through the weekends, Mz Cane will appoint a weekend mediator for discussions. To your further disappointment, her husband volunteered for this weekend. The good news is that Monday's discussion will probably be off the chain.

Last night i was shuffling through ideas for a subject while feeding my daughter. Well into her second bottle i felt her firm belly, full of milk. However she continued to suck on the bottle as if hadn't had a drop in hours. Reminded me of a Bob Marley song, "Dem belly full but we hungry", thus giving birth to today's topic.

I'm sure everyone has that one thing that they can never get enough of. I've been known to take down a 16-ounce steak and want another. We all have something that we can never get enough of whether its your favorite food, quality time with family, or ...the "ooh wee".

"ooh wee"(eww-WEE) - (n.)Any potentially addictive substance or concept that is instantly gratifying upon the initial sampling.

The "ooh wee" could be sex, drugs, money, anything. When 1st discovered its evidenced when you ask your self these questions:

1. Is this real?
2. Where have you been all my life?
3. Who told me this was wrong?
4. Why can't i quit you?

You have not lived unless you truely know what your "ohh wee" is. You recognise the "ooh wee" because you specifically pine for the "ooh wee". The question is, when have you had enough of the "ooh wee"? Are you insatiable when it comes to the "ooh wee"?

U are my every fantasy
There's no telling how far I'd go
Cuz when it comes 2 u, I know
I'm insatiable and I just can't stop
Even if I wasn't thirsty,
I would drink every drop

-Insatiable (Prince)

And i'm goin leave it at that ladies and gentlemen. Normally Mz Cane sites personal examples from her own experiences, however I prefer to post my dirt later under a fake name. Take this subject and run with it. Tell us about your ooh wee? How did you discover it? Do you still crave it or have you had enough? Have you had to implement "ooh wee" boundaries? And if you haven't found your "ooh wee", please share with us why you are so boring. *just teasing*

-Ali

How Do You Feel?

2006-04-14T01:15:00.000-04:00

I have dated my fair share of men, been in a several relationships, and loved only three people in my lifetime. As you can see, I did not love everyone that I had a relationship with. To be honest, most of them were quite meaningless to me. We had fun, but I really could give a fluck about what they thought about me. Truthfully, the only times I ever cared how someone felt about me, were the times when I was dealing with those three I loved.

I do think that all three of them cared for me too, not necessarily loved me (well I know one of them does....fa sho), but showed some type of deep feeling for me. Each of them had a different way of expressing his feelings. One of them tells me he loves me and goes out of his way to show my by doing nice things for me, one of them spent quality time with me doing absolutely nothing, and the other's feelings were all in his touch. Different people have such different ways of expressing feelings.

I am a vocal person and a physical person. If I love you, I'm going to tell you. You can tell how I touch you, how I kiss you. But I also know I am the last of a dying breed, not many people outwardly express themselves in these ways.

Have you ever wondered why he/she does certain things for you and you just can't understand why? I know I have been guilty of thinking the worst of people. I used to think, "oh he only did XYZ because he wants to do me" or this one, "he came home early today, he must want to go out". Maybe this time there is no reason, maybe he just wanted to do something nice, maybe he just wanted to spend time with you.

There is an interesting book I read. Its called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It basically says that all people express love or intimacy in one of five ways. Chapman also states that a person could use more than one of these ways, but that they are categorized in the expression they use the most. These ways are:

1. Words of Affirmation - tells you "I love you" or compliments you
2. Gifts - buys things for the person they care about
3. Quality Time - spends QT
4. Acts of Service - i.e. cleaning the house, washing the car, fixing things
5. Physical Touch - holding hands, kissing, uhh...the "do"

Do you think this is true? Can all expression be fit into one of these five categories? Is there anything you would add?

Woman are so guilty, me included, of needing or expecting outward emotion. Maybe he would rather buy you flowers, massage your aching back, cut your grass, take care of your kids, or stroke you like no other. There are so many forms of expression. So many ways to show you care. My question to you is this, how do you express your feelings? Is it ok to show how much you care even if you never verbalize it or is it something that needs to be heard? I know I said "he" and "him" alot in this post, but I want to hear what the men have to say also. Don't make this gender specific. Tell me what "she" does too.

Pimps Up, HOs Down

2006-04-13T05:00:00.000-04:00

In the job market, experience is a good thing. It shows a candidate has prior knowledge, a certain familiarity, you don't have to train them as much, saving the company time and money. But in our personal lives, just how much "experience" do we want our candidates to have? Do we want someone who knows the ropes, that we could learn from? Or would we rather take the time to teach and hold their hand in the process?

Here lies the problem. A man with experience, a "stud". A woman with experience, a "ho". Why is that? I have a friend, a good looking guy, and no matter how many women he dates and sleeps with, women still want him. I am assuming because he is fine. I mean he has been with friends, cousins, roommates, you name the line..he's crossed it. I mean he is running all through circles. (Everyone knows my golden rule, "Do not sex in circles". It ruins friendships, plus its just plain gross.) And these women know about each other, but will turn a blind eye just to get to know him and try to win his heart. Our guy friends envy this "big ol' pimp". I'm like..ni**a please. Let's say an equally as beautiful woman did the same. How would men respond to her? She would be a beautiful, sexy, gorgeous...ho. Why is it that a man's experience is grand and celebrated and a woman's experience is a source of ridicule?

When a relationship progresses to the point where that dreaded question comes to hand, "How many partners have you had?", we women take that number, subtract three, factor that number, divide its smallest factor by two, and then whatever else it takes to get that bad boy down to around three guys. We are ashamed of our experience. Men are looking for that near virgin type, but at the same time they are going through every woman they know, messing up our numbers! Men want purity, they want to be the teachers. Can't make a ho a housewife huh? Well, T.I. says (what has it come to that I am quoting a rapper?) "well maybe shorty I don't want no housewife", so I guess all men are not like this. Big ups to T.I.

Now I can't speak for every woman out there, but I am kinda the opposite. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want no man that has skipped through my circle or done half the town, but a little experience would be nice. When the time comes for intimacy, I don't want to have to show you how or "introduce" you to the basics. You need to work on perfecting the routine for what I like. Show we a trick or two. Luckily I married an avid "magician". I have no patience for Junior to go ask Daddy.

Ok ok, I am sending the wrong message here. Let me clean it up by saying wait until you are married. There is noting wrong with being a virgin until that glorious night. But for those of us who preferred to test drive the car before we purchased it, what are your thoughts? Why is a guy who sleeps around "the man" while a woman who is equally as active "a ho"? Also, what do you prefer, to teach or be the student? Meaning a partner with experience or are you looking for that "moldable" clay?

What is Sexy?

2006-04-12T08:38:00.000-04:00

Last night I watched a rerun of Americas Next Top Model. I sat there thinking, out of all these girls only one or two of them are attractive. Then I flipped over and Jaime Foxx was being interviewed on some red carpet for some premiere. I thought..hhmm, he's sexy, but not cute at all. How is that possible? So I began to ponder on this topic? What is sexy?

As I found out last night, sexy is not necessarily fine or even cute. Sexy is an attitude. An aura about someone. I think there are two types of sexy. Physical sexiness and sexy as a state of mind. From the physical side, I love mysterious eyes. Dreamy eyes. If he has long eyelashes to compliment them, even better! And what about the lips? Thick luscious lips. Thick lips ooze sex appeal. (Not too thick though, LeVar Burton..is not hot, in any form of the word!) I am a sucker for sexy lips and eyes. All my closet friends know that when I met the hubby (that's him in the pic), I was all about his dark eyes and his perfect lips. And the fact that he was a thick guy in general sealed the deal. Don't give me no skinny man! Can't do nothing with him. I am plus-size pimping at its finest, so a skinny man is not gonna do me any good! Even when I was much smaller in high school and college, I always dated people from the football team. I like the way they looked, you know..healthy..fed..$hit if, he was eating, I know I would be too!

Now as for the physical, sexiness can be added. How? I am so glad you asked that question. A little something my cuz and I like to call "The Baseball Cap Effect". Everyone man look at least 75% better with a baseball cap. Well that was until Fabolous started that circus hat trend and didn't brim his hat. A fresh fitted his hot, but not if I can sit my drink on the brim and come back for it an hour later... Brim the damn hat. Tattoos can add sexy, in the right places..please don't come looking like a 5-year olds easel. Drawings everywhere. A nice watch, glasses (for the psuedo-intelligent effect)...all pluses.

Physical sexiness is far less superior to mental sexiness.

But what is the sexiest of all? Intelligence and confidence. A man who knows that he knows alot, but not everything. Can he talk about more than the latest music and the score of the game? If he can be intellectually stimulating then many times the rest may fall into place. As for confidence, a man who is comfortable with who he is and holds his head high. I love it! He may look like a roach with an earring, but if he feels sexy, then he is doing it up. Who is going to think you're sexy if you don't?

Luckily I married into all that. And when we step out, we know we look good.

Now I have not always been this way. I used to have the lowest self-esteem imaginable. I was 145lbs with a great figure and a 4.0 gpa. But I never thought I was pretty, and I damn sure knew I wasn't sexy. I actually thought I was fat, at 145lbs! I had a friend that used to tell me to get it together, that I was beautiful, and the he didn't wanna hear that bull. Funny thing is, I didn't feel sexy until I was wearing a size 16. The size didn't matter, my weight didn't matter, it was my attitude, my confidence. I accepted my curves and worked them! Now, there is not a person out there that can tell me I ain't the $hit.

Sexy is a state of mind...

Discussion time. What is sexy to you? What is more important to you, the way he/she looks or the way he/she carries themselves? Be honest, we can all be shallow at times and if that's you then be you.

The "What-If" Love

2006-04-11T02:38:00.000-04:00

Last night, a friend of mine had a request. She sent an email saying "you need to do a blog on first loves & soulmates". Hhhmmmm...a touchy subject for most couples. So I sat and thought about how to approach this, especially since I know my significant is one of my readers. But just like me and my friend and every other person out there, I know he has a "one that got away". So, with that in mind, lets talk openly and candidly. Thanks for putting me out there like this girl, I hope you enjoy seeing me squirm.

The "What-If" Love can be a result of many different situations. The "What-If" could be a first love, a crush we could never approach, a close friend, a married co-worker, or someone who "put it on you". Basically anyone you ever wondered what it would be like if in different circumstances and at a different time or place in life you could be with. If you can't figure out who your "what-if" love is, here is a test for you. Who is the person that you compare everyone else to? That's your "what-if"! There have been many days I sat and wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with LL, Denzel (yeah Malinda, your man...) or even Shemar or Boris. These are unrealistic dreams; however, "George" my high school sweetheart or "Mike" from the gym are very real possibilities.

We all had a person who we felt like we had undeniable chemistry with. An unexplainable pull towards each other that borderlined on dangerous? Isn't it funny that we never seem to find these people or notice these folks until dating them is no longer an option? Either we are in a relationship or they are in a relationship, they have moved far away or in some cases, they have died. Truth of the matter is, very few people end up with their "soulmate". If there is such thing.

For those of us is relationships, it seems these people always seem to possess the characteristics that our mate's lack. I can only speak of my experiences, and just like everyone who reads this, I have a "what-if" love out there too somewhere. He is the total opposite of my significant in each and every way possible. My bad, they both have black hair and nice smiles. But everything else, is night and day. The way they carry themselves, their attitudes, their interests. Is this coincidence? I think not. We as humans always think the grass is greener on the other side, but many times, once we get there, the green grass browns and crab grass replaces it.

Lord, I hope I am not breaking up anyone's happy home, but I challenge you to seize the moment. You are the only one who knows what make you happy and what makes you truly happy. Is it your current or is it your "what-if"? Every hero needs a villain, because if he didn't have one, he wouldn't be a hero, right? Now this is the tricky part....who is the hero and who is the villain in your life? Is your significant other your true knight in shining armor? Or are you waiting for your "what-if" to come rescue you from your current situation? Hhhmmmm.....

Man, this topic is harder than I thought it would be! So now my questions for you. Is there such thing as a soulmate or is this the classic "grass is greener" scenario? How would you handle a second chance with your "what-if" love? Do you think you may be someone's "what-if" and not even know it? Does your "what-if" know you have this crush? Or is it just like that song "Just my Imagination" by the Temptations or "Hey Lover" by LL Cool J, and they do not even know you exist?

Am I Racist or a "Like ME-ist"?

2006-04-10T18:10:00.000-04:00

Man, lets discuss Duke Lacrosse, shall we? Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a diehard Duke Basketball fan. From Bobby to Grant, From Elton to JJ. Duke is my heart; however, I must say when all this started about the Duke Lacrosse team and the stripper (a NCCU student), my heart sunk a little. Being an african-american female, I felt for her. I was pissed because I just knew that the rich white kids would get away with rape, yet again. The whole team kept quiet, it seemed they were defending each others actions...sick I was just plain sick. I never watcher lacrosse a day in my life, but the fact that these sick freaks went to school with my precious JJ Redick and Sheldon Williams, made me have a little animosity towards my team! All because I am an african-american woman and rape allegations were looming.

It seemed like the classic scenario...Duke, a prestigious white school against NC Central, a strong HBCU (historically black college/university). Durham upper class against the "Durmites". Racial Good vs Evil. In some sick way, I wanted the Lacrosse team to be guilty, I wanted them to pay for what they had done. After all those campus marches against Duke administration for its nonchalant stance. After all, white people get away with murder all the time.

The news last night suggested that the 911 call was iffy at best. The stripper had past brush with the law. Then the ultimate news came about 30 minutes ago. None of the 46 DNA samples taken matched the victim's sample given after the rape. None of the 46 players could be linked by DNA to this crime. Damn...have I been this blind? Did I take the stripper's side just because she was a black female, from a black university, just like me? No matter if the lacrosse team is guilty or not, I have learned a valuable lesson. Listen to all the evidence, all the conclusions. Stop thinking people like us are never wrong. No matter what "us" means. Whether it means people that look like us, are educated like us, in our sorority, go to our church or work with us.

....and hell yeah, OJ killed that girl.

The Boomerang Effect Pt. 2

2006-04-10T14:58:00.000-04:00

ok..so by now you know my boy is walking around all ho hum because the boomerang hit him in the face, right between in the eyes. This leads into our second discussion. When is it time to walk away?

He has been trying to reach out to this girl for a month now and she will not even speak with him. He sent her flowers, nothing. He calls her weekly, no response. He thinks about her alot, I know because he bugs the hell out of me talking about her. He just doesn't get how she could do this to him. My advice to him was leave her alone, if she was not woman enough to even say thank you for $100 roses, then you don't need her! She could at least tell him to leave her the hell alone, go away, beat it, let it burn or something. But instead, she remains silent. At first I admired her, I was like "Yeah girl..pimp him! He deserves it for not opening up", but that was a month ago and she still playing games. CUT HER LOOSE!

So here is the kicker. After he has called her repeatedly and sent her flowers, he now wants to get her another round of flowers and a birthday gift. Not just a gift, but a whole outfit. I told him he was officially a punk. How you gonna buy a chick more gifts when she don't even talk to you? It is time to let her go, move on. Don't you think? Why would you continue to waste time and money on someone who doesn't want you? Classic case of being @#$^* whipped! It has to be in her pants!

I know he read this blog, so please...give this lovesick fool some advice.

The Boomerang Effect Pt. 1

2006-04-10T14:09:00.000-04:00

Love is a crazy thing, we all know that. But the timing of love can be even crazier.

So I have this friend...and he has this problem. He is experiencing the Boomerang Effect and its really been rough from him. Let me give you the background. In the beginning, she like him, she wants to be with him all the time, she wants him to acknowledge her, she goes out of her way to make him happy and she is dying just to get that label..."girlfriend". He's like, yeah ok..I see you, but I'm not ready for all that. He throws those BS lines "I'm not ready for a relationship" and "I don't like labels". In his words, "he's still a G". Now, he is a cutie. He can play the field for years and never do the same chick twice. And he knows that...hence the beginning of the problem.

Eventually he began to dig this girl, but he never could tell her how he felt. He played the emotionless playboy role. So this girl gave her all, and finally got fed up. Moved on. And she moved on right when he was ready to open up. So then he started showing her some love, with the quickness. But it was too late. She was moving on. So he opened up to her. She heard him out, but was not impressed. Basically too little too late. She stopped calling and coming by. So he bought her flowers...very expensive flowers. She never even called him to say thank you.

Now he is all hurt, feeling all distraught because she has not returned a call or answered one in a month. The worst part is that she is just an average chick. I've seen her, she is a 7-7.5 on her best day! He has done girls dirty like this many times, but its never been done to him. Now the Boomerang Effect is eating him alive. He doesn't understand how she can't be interested anymore. I mean no one could ever resist him, so how is this average chick gonna play him. Not the "G" he thought he was huh?

So this poses my first question. Why can a guy never open up about how he feels? Or why does he always wait until she is ready to move on? Are guys scared of rejection?

What kind of friend are you?

2006-04-09T12:17:00.000-04:00

I am a person with lots of friends. I have best friends, I have good friends, I have friends at work, friends at church, friends from college, friends from high school, friends in my sorority, on-line friends and friends of my other friends. I am a friend-aholic. I've noticed over the past couple months that friends I have an abundance of friends, but only a select few that I consider my best friends. People I thought I should label "best" at mediocre that their best. So it made me sit and wonder...damn, what kind of friend am I to people. What do they really think of me? Everyone falls into a certain category of friend.

You have the best friend, who is there through thick and thin, ride or die for you. These are the non-judgmental folks who will cry with you, tell you that you have a booger in your nose, that will tell you "yes girl, you do look fat in that". You can call them at any hour of the night, you tell them your deepest secrets. These people know all about your dirty past and in some cases your dirty present. These are the folks who will put sugar in your man's gas tank. True friends...Total count for me, six. Four girls, two guys. You know who you are, thanks and I love you for life! Do you think I have too many people I consider "best friends"?

Then there are the "all about me friends". Do you have a friend that calls you all the time, never to check on you, but to tell you about their latest news (bad and good). The folks that really could care less about what is going on with you. I have a friend, bless her heart, she will call and say "hey what's up" but before I answer, she has already started telling me her latest issue. Do I look like Dear Abby? Helping my best friends is not an issue, but these "all about me folks" can kiss my...

Don't forget about the "what can you do for me" friends. The ones you trade favors with..I'll do this if you will (fill in the blank) for me. Are these friends or bargain buddies? I call these Swap Meet Acquaintances. I have a fair share of these too.

My favorite type of friend is the "because I have to be". Anyone in a sorority or fraternity know all about these. The chick you really wouldn't give a damn about if it wasn't for the fact that you spent six weeks in a basement together...hhmmmm. Or what about your significant others "best friends"? Luckily my man has some down ass boys, but a couple of them could definitely do without. Yeah I smile and I am nice...but inside I'm like "look at this fool".

My challenge for you, be a good friend to all. You don't have to be the best, but keep in touch, call to say hi, do a good deed for somebody without expecting something in return.

My question for you is this...what kind of friend are you? Is it time for a friend make-over? Tell me about your "types" of friends...I know I left a couple categories out. If you know me on this level, tell me how I'm doing Do I suck too? lol

All this to Comment?

2006-04-09T00:00:00.000-04:00

So the story goes...my best friend has this great webpage and she's doing great things...So I decided to finally take the time and check out her webpage and read her blog (which she has asked me to read on a number of occasions). After reading her blog, I wanted to comment on several of her topics..which I know I shoulda done ages ago. I soon found out that to say just one word I had to sign up for this blog account or be posted as anonymous. Me anonymous? Never...too sexy for that :) Hence, the beginning of Mz Cane's blog. Gee thanks TeeBee. Luckily I have so much to say...

My name is Candee Cane, Mz. Cane for those of you I don't know. Welcome to my thoughts. I guess we will be talking alot in the near future. We can rap about anything you wish. I love reading, so we can talk books. I love television, so we can talk about the latest episodes. I love movies, so we can talk big screen. I LOVE sports, especially the NFL and NCAA basketball, so we can talk games and players.

As the Blog title implies...I'm on the edge, so my postings may be totally unpredictable. Welcome to the Edge. I look forward to hearing what you have to say! So initiate me in, pledge me, or whatever you blog heads do to welcome me in!